Talk:Laurita Mansour

Hi Laurita! I am going to comment as I read each paragraph!

Intro

I really like your introduction paragraph because it is short and to the point. I can hear your voice in it as well and I get a good gist of how you feel about Facebook. I think people would want to hear more about why you became more of a watcher than a contributor. You mention that sentence but you do not elaborate on how or why.

You could also add a lot more information in each section because I feel like there is a lot of information that you mention but do not elaborate on. In the final draft, make sure to go into more detail about each topic because you focus a lot more on the “what” than the “how” or the “why”

-Bhumika Jain

Your opening passage sets a great tone for the rest of the article as it creates a timeline for the readers to follow. Moreover, I think you make a great transition into how your online identity shifted during your sophmore year as you describe how you began posting things that interest you instead of just pictures with friends. The narration of each section makes its very easy for the reader to follow your journey throughout college so far. To improve your article, I would suggest including more context when referencing Smith and Watson readings in your "My Public Image" section. In addition, I would include some sort of conclusion section, maybe a few words to describe how your balance content between both Facebook and Snapchat so that the reader can be left with a final thought. Overall, great work! -- Samara Gould