Talk:Evon Yao

Jack McCafferty Comment

I really enjoy your introduction paragraph, I believe it does a great job at establishing what you’re going to be talking about for the rest of the wiki page. While I enjoyed the first paragraph I feel like you mention the results from the data broker too soon on the page. It would be a nice thing to reference the use of it in the introduction section however I believe it might be too soon to dive into the details about it. In addition to this, it might also help to have a whole section of the wiki dedicated to your data broker results. You mention that the data broker both misses and catches certain details about you and it would be interesting to see you mention all the examples from the data broker and what you think about them. I like the use of the screenshot for what appears when you google search yourself. However, I feel like the picture of the logo is not completely relevant to what you’re writing. Maybe instead you could include a screenshot of one of a picture that came out of you speaking on NPR about “Ok Boomer” memes. Being that some of what you said was spread to other websites you could also possibly include screenshots of those websites quoting what you said. Lastly, I really like your concluding paragraph and how it comes full circle back to your introduction.