Talk:Evon Yao

Jack McCafferty Comment

I really enjoy your introduction paragraph, I believe it does a great job at establishing what you’re going to be talking about for the rest of the wiki page. While I enjoyed the first paragraph I feel like you mention the results from the data broker too soon on the page. It would be a nice thing to reference the use of it in the introduction section however I believe it might be too soon to dive into the details about it. In addition to this, it might also help to have a whole section of the wiki dedicated to your data broker results. You mention that the data broker both misses and catches certain details about you and it would be interesting to see you mention all the examples from the data broker and what you think about them. I like the use of the screenshot for what appears when you google search yourself. However, I feel like the picture of the logo is not completely relevant to what you’re writing. Maybe instead you could include a screenshot of one of a picture that came out of you speaking on NPR about “Ok Boomer” memes. Being that some of what you said was spread to other websites you could also possibly include screenshots of those websites quoting what you said. Lastly, I really like your concluding paragraph and how it comes full circle back to your introduction.

Rachel Kaufman-Levine's Comment

I really enjoyed reading your data identity statement! I like how you chose to break your piece up into sections in a way that I haven't really seen in other statements, while still incorporating all of the necessary information such as the results from your data broker report and from searching yourself on Google. I also really enjoyed how you started by outlining the definition of an autobiography and used that as a segue into the rest of your statement. I think this piece could benefit from a few more images, especially in the first couple sections to break up some of the text and keep the reader engaged. I would also love to know if there was anything in your Google search of your name that you were surprised to find (apart from the VSCO photo that you mentioned), or if there was anything you expected to find but didn't, or if you only saw exactly what you expected to see. Overall I found your statement to be strong: it flows well, your voice is engaging, and you added meaningful personal elements such as the story about your grandparents and describing the importance of your name.

Kevin Lee Comment

Hi Evon, I thought your identity statement was super "fun" to read, almost like reading a novel. You did you good job by starting with the theme of autobiography and what that means to you, to the history and story behind your family and your name as well as how you wish to craft your brand with all the things you value. Reading it, I could personally relate to the story of your grandparents' immigration to the United States, as well as being embarrassed/frustrated in school when teachers would mis pronounce your name. Having images accompany each of the section also made it easy for me to follow along without being bored by having too much text.