Difference between revisions of "Talk:Brandon Levine"

Latest revision as of 07:27, 5 March 2018

Brandon, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your article. I definitely can relate to a considerable amount of what you said. I thought the point where you say “I don't find the risk of a Facebook post backfiring worth the social reward of posting that content on Facebook” was articulated very well and something I agree with. I do have a few suggestions for you. While the pictures are a nice touch, I believe that they could be placed more effectively to be more engaging with the readers. Currently, they are sitting at the bottom of the article, I would aim to put these pictures in more relevant places. Additionally, when you discuss your early age use of Facebook, the insertion of a picture near this section would be very useful and could even potentially provide comedic relief. While I think you do a good job of engaging with yourself and your personal identity in this piece, I think that you could go deeper in your analysis and offer more breadth to your readers. Aim to get more personal with your audience. All in all, I enjoyed reading your content and found myself relating to many of your points. With a few minor tweaks, this will be a great post.

-Alex Ridener

I really enjoyed your writing! Your opening was very relatable and my guess is a lot of people relate to that first social media post in middle school, and feeling way too comfortable with posts. Your transition into becoming more fearful of posting and these ’social media investigations’ that employers can get their hands on is a real issue that many of us think about on a daily basis.

Your tone throughout this piece is real and comfortable with the reader. I loved your phrase ‘content consumer’ — some visual evidence of updates and commenting rather than posting could be interesting! The idea of posting as ‘backfiring’ is also something that caught my eye. Maybe some resources to back up this argument could be helpful. The last section was actually my favorite, but I wished it had a different title. ‘Analysis’ seems almost out of place with the rest of the piece and extremely impersonal. I’d love to see something more relatable here.

From a non-text perspective, I wish the paragraphs were indented and the space in between paragraphs were closer together — it was visually a little hard to read and felt choppy. Also, placing the photographs near their perspective sentences would’ve helped the flow as well. I wished the photographs of yourself were at the top, so the reader could really get a sense of who was speaking.

This post has a lot of potential, nice job! - Bari Blitzer

Corina

Great start, Brandon!

For revision, your colleagues’ comments above are spot on. Please consider them fully.

Best,

Corina