User talk:Bblitzer
Hello, I really enjoyed reading your article about your social identity on Spotify. Your first sentence was a great hook and your introduction helps introduce the reader to what your article will be focusing on. However, it would be really interesting if you could go more in depth about what your playlists (such as TLV or run) show about you, your personality, and your experiences because you just very briefly went over that. Also, it would be interesting to go into what the reader wouldn't know about you from your online identity. Furthermore, I think your conclusion should overview more about what we learned (or didn't learn) about your online identity and less on explaining Spotify functions. Other than that, I thought your writing style was appropriate and your images helped to create a picture of what you were discussing. Overall, great work! --Rachel Sartori
Hi Bari, I think this is a really insightful and creative take. Spotify is something that I use extensively, but never thought of in the same realm as Facebook, but this definitely changed my mind. One of the main arguments that I enjoyed getting out of this was how a music streaming platform not only conveys an identity in the present, but can capture snapshots of identities in the past. Other small things that I liked:
- Your use of headers is creative, and is useful/adds to the narrative.
- Consistent writing style that is easy to read.
The main thing I would like to see in a revision ties into one of the points above. I think that you could consider drawing out the comparisons between Spotify and other social media platforms more, for example how music could represent someone in the online sphere. You already lay this out, mainly in how Spotify depicts different times in your life, maybe adding this as a point would be helpful in positing Spotify as somewhat parallel to Facebook. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this and think that you have a good writing voice!
--Andy Bui
I really liked your post. Overall, I really enjoyed the way in which you define your personal identity through your Spotify, and the overall composition of the piece including catchy titles, relevant images, and a unique writing style. It was really interesting to hear the way in which your Spotify encompasses who you are as a person, and how this phenomenon is displayed through your online identity.
From a visual perspective, I think you did a great job giving the reader a break from dense text by including photos and graphics. The spacing and textual elements are great as well.
As stated above, one recommendation that would help to make this post stronger would be to include how your online identity differs on other social media platforms. --Brandon Levine
Corina
Great work, Bari!
For revision, your colleagues’ comments above are spot on. Please consider them fully.
Best,
Corina
