Talk:Screen time's effect on adolescents mental health

Length

The rough draft version of this article only contains around 1600 words. Fortunately, the author has many sections where she can add to the required word count.

Structure

The author does a fantastic job with the opening paragraph, where the issue is nicely described and summarized. The use of citations from other sources are abundant in the opening paragraph, which offers a sense of integrity to the article already. The author uses several different references to lay out what the article will be about, and quickly states the main idea that they will address from each of those references. However, I would suggest leaving out some parts of the first paragraph that offers the conclusions of the issues at hand, or else there would be no reason to keep on reading.

The body of the article has many different sections already outlined. Not all the sections have been completed with text, but the general message of what the author is trying to convey is clear. The sections are organized in a very comprehensive format, where it dives into the physical health and psychological symptoms (and all components in between) regarding the effect of screen time on adolescents’ mental health. One thing I would suggest is maybe combining some sections together. For example, I believe moderation could be put under regulation as it relates to one another. I believe that would help make it a more coherent article.

The author has many different references that they utilize within their article. This is a great thing since it builds the article’s credibility. Almost every paragraph so far has a reference embedded in somewhere, so it shows readers that everything is backed up by other sources. One thing that stands out is the reference from "Type Of Screen Time Moderates Effects On Outcomes In 4013 Children: Evidence From The Longitudinal Study Of Australian Children". Unless this specific reference has very unique ideas that is being referenced, it would be a good idea to get other articles that could be used as reference for the same message.

Clarity

The issue at stake that the author is writing the article about is very clear to me. They are exploring the effects of screen time in correlation to mental health of adolescents. The author does a good job at describing how the World Health Organization defines “mental health” and uses that definition as a pillar to compare the effects of screen time against. This is an ethical issue that is of utmost importance because as technology continually evolves, it will become more and more of our daily lives. It is imperative that we understand how moving forward in such a direction will affect the next generation. Understanding how screen time effects the mental health of adolescents will help us create countermeasures to mitigate the negative effects overall.

Objective reporting (Neutral point of view)

Overall, the articles report on the screen time’s effect on adolescents’ mental health objectively. The author doesn’t blatantly provide their own opinions anywhere in the article. The perspective of different stakeholders is also addressed in some of the sections. For example, in the “Regulation” section, there are subsections for parents and medical care providers where their responses and responsibilities are explained. There can definitely be more stakeholders in other sections, and I encourage the author to add them to give the reader a bigger picture of the issue. Nearly all the statements made in this article so far have been backed up by solid references. However, sometimes the author uses adjective and specific wording that nudges the reader to think a certain way. I would advise the author to be wary of that.

Second Peer Review. So far the article has about 1500-1600 words, so it needs about 1400-1500 words more to reach the 3000 words.

I think that the opening paragraph has a good start! The overview provides a really good summary of the topic you are about to talk about and what the article is going to entail. The reader knows immediately that you’ll be talking about how screen time affects the mental health of adolescents. I like that you clearly define screen time and mental health so that the reader can get a quick introduction into what two topics you will be talking about. It will also help the reader navigate the rest of your paragraphs as well. I thought that your body paragraphs are pretty good as well. Something that I would recommend is to maybe provide further elaboration on the evidence you provide. For instance in the paragraph labeled “Interactive” you talk about how there is evidence that shows the potential for positive effects that result from interactive screen time. Go more into detail of why the evidence shows this connection. I also like how you structured the body paragraphs in the article so that the reader can understand the issue first, why it’s important, and what we can do to help it. This way it’s easier for the reader to follow.

I feel like the issue at stake is pretty clear, but could probably have a little more detail. This may be more of a trivial thing I noticed, but I was kind of confused at first where the ethical issues were listed. I think it might be a good idea to have the category ‘Ethical Issues’ or something like that listed before you talk about each ethical issue so that the user can easily locate where all the ethical issues are. However I do clearly understand the direct negative effects screen time has on mental health, especially the mental health of young people. Since you explained well why mental health is important, it makes sense why excessive screen time is a big issue and must be addressed.

I think that the ethical issues are stated pretty objectively. It’s evident that there was a lot of thought put into what was referenced and shown through the connections made between the main objective and the multiple references. However I think it might be a good idea to find some references that show a different perspective on the issue, such as a source that explains why they think excessive screen time might not be very detrimental to mental health. This way the argument doesn’t seem one-sided.