Talk:Samuel Wood
Hey Samuel,
Very strong start! The metaphor of the funnel was awesome. It was an especially good topic to put in the beginning because it really caught my attention. The metaphor itself is very interesting and it is super cool that you thought of it. Although it was awesome, I think it may have carried on for too long. Your post ended up being a little it too much about the funnel and not enough about your online identity. Your paragraphs about Facebook and Twitter were very interesting and they did a good job of summarizing your usual activity on both platforms. I would love to hear more about why you do not use these platforms that much. I wonder why you do not let your friends post on your wall. Is it because you don't want attention on the platform or is it because you don't care to look at notifications?
Overall it is a great start but I think you would benefit by making it a lot more about YOU. Talk more about your online identity or how other perceive it etc. The post needs more of YOU in it and I think it will be great when you add that! You a very good writer by the way. I usually have a hard time making sentences that flow well but you do that really well! Keep it up! :)
-Bhumika Jain
Hey Samuel, Your wiki page was a very interesting read! It was really engaging and honest!! Reading through it I felt that the style of writing was very abstract. For your intro, I thought that the abstract-ness was really great and it left me wanting to read more. However, in your second section, I feel that it may help to add more details and examples to support your metaphors. As you continue, I see that you don't post things on facebook/twitter because you like control. I think analyzing this a bit further would drive your point home. You could do this by analyzing the only 2 posts that you have on your feed and why you have decided to keep those, instead of hiding them from your timeline. Overall, I was really into this piece! Good work! -Laurita mansour
Corina
Great start, Sam: good flow and insights.
Your colleagues’ comments above are spot on.
Please consider them fully for your revision.
Best,
Corina
