Talk:Peloton
The length of your article is about 2900 which meets the length requirement for the assignment. I think that you could expand a little bit more on the History section. There is no information about the company from 2015 to the present day. (FIXED) Maybe adding in anything of note so that the reader has an up to date understanding of the company. You could add another section under History that is “Current status” or something about what the company looks like today and any projections for the future. I also would add a few pictures to create visual aid for users. You could add the Peloton logo, a picture of their products, or really anything that connects with the content you are writing about.(NEED TO FIX)
The article contains an opening paragraph that summarizes the issue very well. I would add where in the United States it is headquartered or started.(FIXED) I also like that you introduced the ethical concerns in the first paragraph. Small note, delete the About at the beginning of the paragraph.(FIXED) The body of the article has four sections, history, products, features, and ethical concerns. You might want to include corporate information such as location, board of directors, major investors, stock price, and how the company is structured.(FIXED) All statements are backed up by references to reliable sources.
It is clear that the issue you are discussing are the ethical concerns that have risen for Peloton, specifically bullying, harassment, and offensive behavior, privacy, Tred+ Recall, and sexism and classism concerns. I am not sure if the Tread+ Recall should be under the ethical concerns section. While it is important information, it seems less of an ethical issue and more of a product issue for Peloton. I would move this section to the product section where you talk about the Tread+. (NEED TO FIX) I would also maybe expand a little more about why these ethical issues are important. What are the implications of privacy on users? (NEED TO FIX) Has the bullying and harassment caused some users to not use Peloton? (NEED TO FIX) Overall though a very good and thorough job!
You do a good job of being objective when reporting on issues and you do not state personal opinions. For giving multiple perspectives on issues, I would add in the Sexism and Classism concerns section what Peloton said or did in response to these concerns and drop in stock price. (FIXED) Did they put out a statement? (FIXED) How long did the stock price suffer for? (NEED TO FIX) I also think that it would be interesting to talk about the recent stock drop that occurred due to Big dying in the show Sex and the City (he dies after using a Peloton and the show makes the brand clear in the scene). Connects with misinformation and brings up good questions about intellectual property and product placements. Here is a good article https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/11/arts/television/peloton-sex-and-the-city.html . In terms of citing I think some pieces of information it is not entirely clear what the source is so maybe citing more would be helpful. For example, in the Privacy paragraph there are facts stated (“In June of 2021, it was revealed by security company McAfee…”) that do not have a reference. (FIXED) If it is the same as the one at the bottom of the paragraph I would just cite it again at the beginning of the paragraph. Overall I think your writing is very clear and concise and makes it easy for the user to understand the issues you are writing about. I also think that the information shared is unique and not knowledge that everyday people would know. Great job!
