Talk:McKinley Schmidt

McKinley, Your data identity statement was interesting to read and had great parts to it! I believe that you were able to put it together in a narrative form nicely, which adds a good flow to the reading. Your introduction was great at its purpose of introducing what your article was about and what to expect from it. I also believe that you did well explaining your data broker report section, your google search section, as well as the information that was available from those methods. I believe it would be good to point out that any information you were able to collect on yourself by being logged into your social media accounts should be left out of your data identity statement altogether. I believe that this includes much of your social media section as i believe the list of information that Facebook compiles about you, and possibly the other social medias, can only be accessed by you through your account. Although your social media information should be included, you should keep this to information that is publicly available. The space that this takes up in your article could be filled with more of an attempt to construct a "digital" identity with the information that you were able to find about yourself, such as what your Linkedin and Youtube accounts say about you. Once you have a digital identity of yourself constructed from this information you can spend time focusing on what similarities or differences this identity has with your real identity, you have already partially done this by explaining a few parts of your searches that were not correct. I believe doing this will also present more opportunities to relate your online identity statement to class concepts and readings. Best of luck!

- Steven Allred

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Hi McKinley,

Your statement starts out strong, you're able to summarize your online data very well, both from google and the brokers. You also summarize pretty well at the conclusion, however, you might want to expand further on how your online identity relates to your "real" identity. How similar is your online identity that was crafted by google and the brokers to your own online crafted identity? Or are they one and the same?

Your grammar and writing style were written well and it flows nicely from paragraph to paragraph. It also seems to check every box of the rubric.

Overall I found it to be a well-written statement, however, it could be bettered by an expanded view into the comparisons and contrasts of your online identity and your "real" identity.

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Hi McKinley,

I thought your draft was extremely well written! The narrative style that you have chosen really adds to the overall flow and makes it enjoyable to read. Your introduction grabbed my attention and I really liked your subtle sarcastic jab at your parents. I thought that was funny! Compared to most students, I thought your section headers were also title nicely. Saying "At the Mercy of the Data Brokers" instead of just "Data Brokers" really adds depth and character to your writing. You did a great job in explaining both your report and google search results. As others have stated, try to expand further or include a section about how your online identity relates to your real identity. In what ways are they the same? Different? I also thought your ads section was a good idea to incorporate but I think you could include more details either in the end or in your "What Does It All Mean" section on how this relates to your online/real identity. You mention that only a small portion of your identity can be found online but since the advertisement data is only available to you and not everyone else, there isn't much of a connection. As for grammar, there were a few incomplete sentences in your introduction and ads section but was good everywhere else. Use Grammarly to double check! Overall, this is a great start.

- Steven Wang

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Hi McKinley Your identity was informative, well researched, and most of all fun to read. I noticed you've been editing your paper over time and the work shows, the word choices are smart and the whole paper flows very well while still keeping your own distinct voice regarding what you found. My biggest criticisms are that you go into a lot of information about how the data on Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites find your data, and while it's extremely polished, and it gives the reader a sense for how ads are run, it reads like an aside to learning more about what you found, which makes the former feel less important in comparison. You do have one or two grammatical errors but that's all (I noticed you missed a quotation mark when talking about Ad Interests on Instagram). Would love to read the final draft after the deadline

Thomas Van Conett