Talk:Joshua Walker

Comment 1

Starting with the overall flow of the paper, I thought that you did a great job with structuring the piece in a chronological format. I think this style of formatting really helps with following your journey on Facebook over the past decade or so. More importantly, you made sure to express how your online identity was altered with each passing year and stage in your life. It was easy to see the differences from when you first joined to where you are today.

However I think there are a few sections such as “Read my Texts” “The Early Days,” where you could probably go more in depth on how your online identity either differed or was the same as your real life identity. While you went into specifics on how you used Facebook during these periods, the analysis on your actual identity could be expanded upon. The conclusion is also another great spot to add this analysis. Here you could make several points on how your identity now is either mirrored by Facebook or you have slowly changed your Facebook persona over the years comparatively to your offline beliefs and personality.

I also noticed at the end of “The Early Days” you may have missed a sentence right at the end as the last word is “regardless.” Just wanted to point it out in case you simply forgot to copy and paste that part in.

Overall I think you have a great base to work off of. You effectively used personal anecdotes and stories to allow us to look into your personal usage of Facebook, but if you added more analysis on your online identity and tied that into the readings for this class it could take this piece to the next level.

-Julien Childress

Comment 2

Great post Joshua! I really enjoyed reading your piece. It was structured very nicely and I liked that you sequenced your paragraphs in order from how you used to use facebook up until how you use it now. I felt that each paragraph built on the previous and that overall, your page flows well.The pictures back up your arguments and I liked how you focused on the privacy of your page and how it has changed. However, I do think that there are a few things that can be revised. It was a little difficult for me to distinguish how your persona and identity is exactly portrayed on social media. Incorporating specific characteristics that describe who you are both on the internet and off can add to your argument and make it more clear. Also maybe changing your first few sentences to add a “hook” statement may engage readers even more. As for grammar and sentence structure, I really enjoyed your conversational language and felt that it allows readers to connect. Other than that, I think you did an awesome job!!

-Casey Greenbaum

Corina

Great work, Joshua.

There are lots of great ideas in this piece: the great majority are well-developed and presented. For revision, your colleagues’ comments above are spot on. Please consider them fully.

Also, what course readings could help you further analyze your online identity? The pictures are telling, but they are a bit fuzzy.

Best,

Corina