Talk:Jonathan Timma

Comment 1: I think that your autobiography is truthful and direct. It would have been nice if maybe you talked about some things you do outside of Facebook that may or not be reflected in it. You could have broken down into different sections to talk about specific aspects of your Facebook. I like the fat that you have an introduction section and a conclusion section. It would be nice if the conclusion was a bit longer. It might of been nice to tie in your pictures into the context of what your writing about in your autobiography or place them maybe by the sections of the autobiography that you thought were most relevant. Overall, it's a good autobiography, even though it is a little small. -Chance Evans

Comment 2:

Jonathan—

Overall, I think you did a pretty good job assessing your identity on Facebook and how it compares to your real-life identity. From what I know about you as a person and as a student, your autobiography seemed genuine and truthful, which made it easy to follow. However, I do think that you could add a few more personal examples to delve deeper into the similarities between your real and online identities. For example, you talk a lot about struggling to be more “bold” on Facebook yet still retain your true identity and not give future employers reasons to generate negative opinions about you or your lifestyle. I was looking for a few more examples of ways that you struggle to be “bold” on Facebook. Maybe it is expressing political opinions or typing the first funny comment that comes to your mind when you witness events, but then you start to worry if people will judge you or think differently of you, and you decide to not post these comments. I think that more examples would give readers the chance to understand your true identity, which in turn would help them understand why this identity is hard to create or change in an online environment.

Also, I thought that in some ways the prevalent use of parentheses distracted from your writing style, which was otherwise easy to follow. You did not seem to make many grammatical mistakes. A final reread might catch a few of them, but in my opinion there were not enough to distract from the reading. I also agree with Chance that you might want to think about incorporating your Facebook pictures with specific parts of your autobiography. For example, when you mention you 123 Facebook “friends” or “contacts” and your 44 “Likes,” this could be an opportunity to display a picture of some of your unique Facebook features. You could also delve deeper into the reasons why you do not “Like” a lot of pages, with specific examples of Facebook pages that you like in real life but choose not to “Like” on Facebook for fear of offending friends or future employers.

Overall, this was an interesting and truthful autobiographical post. With a few more personal examples about your struggles to use or not use Facebook in certain situations, I think that you will be well on your way to a great final draft. Nice work!

-Pierre Gerondeau