Talk:Jeremiah St. Clair

Andrew Rabines

Well...its a start. You definitely didn't hit the word count and the structure of some of your sentences is relatively basic, and could be made more interesting with the use of punctuation like a comma, hyphen, or semi-colon. You didn't really cover the topic that much of comparing your online identity with your real identity, you mention your process of searching for yourself but fail to make any conclusion or thesis statement off of this. The actual content of the process and images used are solid and can be easily built off of. I'm going to assume you ran out of time for the assignment or forgot about it but adding more paragraphs is a necessity. The format of the paper is good that you show the Google results, then Data broker results and finally your conclusion. Expansion and re-writing will be needed for a good grade but it's a start.

George Dixon

I think that one of the strongest aspects of your data identity post was the conversational tone. A lot of the time, people will use words and syntax that don't reflect a natural speaking pattern, and the meaning behind the text can often get muddled. Your post sounded like it had been written using a voice recorder and, consequently, it was very easy to follow. I also enjoyed the chronological nature of your post. Instead of coming off like a static report, your text told a story that accurately conveyed time as a changing variable. Within the story, you also did a good job at relating your reaction and thoughts and how they led to consequent actions and parts of your paper.

One potential area that I could see you expanding upon is why certain aspects of your data broker report may have been incorrect. I suspect that the data brokers rely more heavily on aggregating information from available public records than they do from social media posts. I doubt they have algorithms that are that sophisticated, especially given how inaccurate they seem to be. That could also explain why the inaccuracies existed, despite your posts on social media. Overall, I think this is a good start, and I think that the comment from the guy above me could have definitely been a little nicer. Good luck!

Guadalupe Gonzalez

Hey Jeremiah,

I thought you had a good beginning to your online date profile, but to state the obvious, you failed to conclude it and it appears you simply did not complete the entire assessment of yourself. That is the obvious issue and once you finish this, then I believe you will have a good profile. Another thing to include would be material from the course and apply what is relevant to you on the assignment.