Talk:Jennifer Leung
Review by Patrick Riggs
Hey Jenn,
I like how you lead off into your article with a little review of what you're going to be talking about. You then seem to jump right in and analyze your Facebook page categorically - pictures, maps, apps, etc. Those all seem a bit disconnected from each other, as you seem to be looking at them all individually rather than as part of a greater narrative. Your theme is that you use your Facebook page to construct an identity of who you think you are, but the pieces just don't seem quite connected together underneath that theme.
I think you do a really good job analyzing what exactly each piece of your profile means, especially the Maps part. Everybody else seems to have been looking just at their pictures, but, as you say in your article, the spots you've visited on your map are also a really good indicator of your online identity. When you talk about pictures you also say how you censor what you're tagged in in order to maintain a certain image with your profile, which I think is really good analysis.
Overall I'd try and tie everything a bit tighter together, but otherwise it's really good. Good job!
Patrick Riggs
You have a nice, wide variety of elements that you talk about and the diversity of elements made a strong case as to how your Facebook identity closely maps to your real identity.
Your introduction section structurally was a little long, for me personally - I thought you could have just used your second paragraph with the introduction of yourself in third person. The format of this paragraph was unique and allowed me to see you from a Facebook user's perspective.
I loved your "Puzzle Pieces" title, I thought it was creative, and came together well with the description of your page. Your "First Impressions" and "Photos" section were both fun to read and indicitive of your personality. The changing of the pictures was a great idea because each of the pictures reveals a different side of you, and showcases the different snapshots of what viewers would see if they were scrolling through pictures. I thought especially the "Photos" paragraph was genuine and truthfully revealed how you portray yourself online as to how you are in 'real life'.
The Apps and Maps section was a strong addition to the rest of the sections that you had before. These are two things that are unique to your profile and not others and it was a fresh view. This was a great way to portray your short term and long term updates on what you have been up too. This was my favorite part of the page, and is where I thought you were the most genuine about yourself, and where you showcased the closest online and offline identity.
Overall, you had a nice flow to your page and one suggestion would be to edit the wording to be a little bit more concise. Some of the claims that you make are repeated, and made it a bit long to read. However, your structure and elements that you incorporated were really strong and your page was really fun to read.
-Jenny Kim
