Talk:Jack Pakela

Jack, first off I noticed two minor grammar errors: In the introduction you need to add a "to" after create and before cyber-bodies, as well as "I these" should be "If these" in your last section.

You did a great job of comparing your "real-life" with your "digital-life" while waiting on more information from Professor Conway. However, I think you can go into further detail on this. If you still do not get more information from Professor Conway you can talk about what you speculate the data brokers have on you(if missed labeled for someone else) and if it is the you that you found during your google search.

You could add one or two more images about yourself to go along with the orchestra picture. Maybe have one of something that you found immediately upon starting your search and a picture that you have that is nowhere to be found during the search.

The "Data Analysis" section does a good job as a conclusion. You could consider taking one of the quotes you choose and go a little deeper into how it relates to you data profile or lack there of.

-Sean Getty

Hi Jack,

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post! You did a great job exploring your online data profile, relating it to the "real" you, and I also thought your mention of why your online data doesn't represent your authentic self 100%. You made an interesting point about why we tend to post positively associated things about us- because we value our privacy.

To make this post even better, I think you could add another picture! Anything that you find when searching for your name. Additionally, I think that when someone reads your post, it would be beneficial for them to understand exactly what it is that you will be talking about in the first few sentences. For this, maybe you can write a thesis for your post that ties in all of your paragraphs- I feel this will really tie your piece together and make it much more powerful. In your last paragraph, you mention a couple of questions that Floridi asks. I think your post would benefit from answering these questions from your point of view. It seems a little abrupt adding these quotes to the very end, and I think these are some great questions that you could relate back to specific pieces of information you found about yourself online. I know you mentioned that you were planning to expand that section.

Great job Jack, overall I really enjoyed your discussion of your online data profile, and I'm looking forward to reading your edits! - Maya Balaji

Hi Jack, I thought you did a nice job on your media statement. I think the sections you chose to break it up into made sense, and you had a nice introduction.

Some suggestions:

• I would try to change up your sentence structure a little bit in the introduction. There are a couple times you have the same type of sentence twice in a row, and it detracts from what you’re trying to say.

• There are a few small grammatical error that could be fixed - I recommend throwing the text into gmail, they tend to highlight these errors and suggest corrections.

• I think you graze over a lot of interesting ideas, such as "why do data brokers not have your correct information if search engines do" or "how do sites that allow for anonymity protect your online identity" that I think you could go into more depth on in your revision.

Overall great job.

- Kelsey Toporski