Talk:Hannah Foster

Taylor Jones' Comments

Hannah, I really enjoyed reading your MediWiki post and found it thoroughly engaging and readable. The introduction was incredibly well written and your ‘voice’ was evident throughout. As someone who also has a very common name, I understand how a lack of online information about oneself can end up being a misrepresentation in and of itself.

In terms of potential areas for improvement, I think that your “Curated by Data Brokers” section could definitely be strengthened. Though you reflected on the bizzarity of the Instant Checkmate report well, and successfully tied it to Floridi’s notion of intrusion, there were a few awkward sentences that could benefit from being split up or restructured.

Further, in the “Curated by Friends” section, I like the way in which you acknowledged how your online presence is completely constructed by friends/family; however, this is a perfect example of how your social media presence is composed of “secondary elements of your identity” (from Pf. Conway’s 4b? Lecture slides), so I would definitely explicitly state this connection.

Your “Curated by Me” section seemed very authentic, in a reflective and intimate way (particularly your last three sentences). I think that this component allows the reader to feel connected to your story.

Overall, this first draft not only successfully incorporated and reflected upon class readings, but also was logically structured, well developed, and an engaging read. In your revision, I would just consider a) re-structuring some of your sentences which are more so two complete thoughts separated by a comma, and b) more explicitly acknowledging the degree to which your Data Profile (or lack thereof) represented authenticity, embodiment, and temporality.

Jessica Carlin's Comments

This online data profiling post is very well written! I liked how you opened with the concern you had due to the fact that you share a name with a murder victim and that the primary results you came up with after Googling your name was about her. Mine is not so extreme, but I can relate in that I share a name with a famous bodybuilder and yoga instructor, and often worry that people who don't know me and are researching my name (such as employers performing background checks) may confuse my story with theirs. Your opener about the murder victim was intriguing and after reading the first couple sentences of your post, I wanted to read on.

I agree with Taylor in that your "Curated by Data Brokers" section could be improved because that is probably where you got the most information on yourself. Focus on analyzing and reflecting on this data into greater detail, as you weren't able to find anything on your own through Google to write about. You mention that it bothered you about your hometown being released, which also happened to me and I had a lot to say on this privacy breech. Talk more about what information you expected find vs what you received from the curated data brokers site.

I really liked how many articles and course oriented information you referenced and cited. This allows the reader to connect your opinions to relevant things we have learned, and creates deeper meaning in your personal statements. You also formatted the post very well with interesting headers that stood out. The organization was professional and logical. I also liked how you had a references section where you cited the articles and sources used, as this makes it look like a formal wikipedia page.

While reading your post I questioned whether you were upset about not being present and represented on the internet on your own terms. You mostly answered my questions with your conclusion by saying that you'd rather have no information about yourself than too much, and that you enjoyed not having to put any work into the profile that has been composed for you by your friends' posts. However, unless you were trying to bounce back and forth on this matter until clarifying in the conclusion, you may want to specify what your stand is earlier with stronger, more persuasive and definitive language.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this! Thought it was professional, informative, displayed your knowledge of the course material, and showed reflection about your online data profile (or absence thereof).