Talk:Hagan Surkamer

Andrew Guise

Great post! I think you did a nice job of explaining all of your findings from your research and provided a nice overview of your feelings after completing your investigation. I also thought the way you connected your findings to specific ideas from class readings was well done and provided solid analysis. A suggestion from me to improve would be to expand more on your offered solutions to the problems you found. I think it would be a great addition to your post if you were to go into more detail about what social media sites can do to help users feel more in control of their privacy, and what the consequences of doing something like this would be. You also mentioning having greater autonomy online, I think to add more detail on this and what types of things you might do after completing your research to help take control of your privacy online would be interesting. Adding this second layer of analysis would round out your article well, in my opinion.

Shannon Kenny comments

You have a nice intro, I think some of the wording could be more concise and direct, but it is still readable and introduces your topic well. Overall the flow is really nice form one paragraph to another, each has a clear topic sentences that prepares me for what I'm about to read, which I enjoy. The part where you explain what you found about yourself is a little unclear. I would separate what your expectations were, from what you actually ended up finding. You have a section specifically dedicated to your google results so I would save "what you found" for your "google results" section. In your "my google results" section, the first sentence of your second paragraph is a little redundant, I would keep this one since it is a nice topic sentence, but remove the previous sentence (in your first paragraph) where you say the same thing. Additionally, some phrasing is a little awkward like in paragraph 2 (section 2) "what sat so uneasy to me about this was." Consider revising this and making it more direct/concise. I also might avoid repeating the phrase "sat uneasy with me," and suggest changing it up by using a different set of words. Overall I love your analysis in this section and I love the idea you brought up about how people should be able to customize their social media identity to who they feel is truly themselves. Very good job, your writing is well done.