Talk:Graham Eger

Shameel Latif (latifsha):

From starting your post, I think you could benefit greatly from having a very engaging hook and sub-header that goes along with that hook. You properly discuss your online identity and I think you approached the assignment with proper engagement, but I feel that if you structure the writing differently it would make it flow overall much better. By splitting up the post into different sections the post would have better flow overall, rather than reading as one long writing.

Flow from paragraph to paragraph could be improved through the addition of transition sentences. This would tie together your piece overall and ensure that the piece is whole. The writing style, however, is very well done and I think you approached it properly in that manner. The paper is interesting to read, I love how you described why you created your own website - very clever. Despite transition errors, the piece is logically written and has proper grammar and style. Your conclusion paragraph is well done as well, it ties together what you talked about in your piece and links back to a claim. Overall you did a very good job.

Corina

Great job, Graham!

And, may I say, excellent idea to have your own website to control potential employers' perception of your online identity.

A few things:

Consider breaking the text into smaller paragraphs, maybe use subtitles.

The final screenshot is telling, but we should read your concluding words at that point in the essay. You could move it up and integrate in the earlier story, or make it a bigger part of your conclusion.

Also, consider Shameel's comment above for your revision.

Best,

Corina