Talk:Derek Gan

Adam Cusick's Comment

Hey Derek,

First off, I must say I really like your writing style. It is informal and creative enough to be an engrossing read, yet it never felt immature or unprofessional. I also think you framed your profile well, describing your search in the way you, presumably, went about it, before discussing your results and your analysis. I only have a few suggestions. First off, I think it would help if you would weave a consistent thesis throughout your profile. My understanding of your thesis is that you’re more than what your data profile shows, but if it were bolder or more visible, it would be a lie, too. Is there a way you can thread this through your earlier sections, rather than just the end? Perhaps tying in more class readings or concepts would help. I think your notion of presenting a more “exciting” you to be “another lie that’s too much effort to maintain” is the star of your profile, and you should write a bit more about the ethical considerations of that.

Overall, I think this was really well written with a great style, and you really tried to find the online you and connect it to the real you. I think if you make the comparison between online you and real you more vivid over the whole profile, you’ll bring it to the next level.

Commenter: Nikita Badhwar (nbadhwar):

I really enjoyed reading your article. The beginning really caught my attention with how you describe who you really are versus things that you would share about yourself. I also enjoyed the last paragraph on your reflection where you found your online identity to be "bland" because it is "too much effort to maintain" but that you are still important. I think you bring up a really good point here, and my only suggestion on your article would be to talk more about this, and tie this into your intro more. Also I would possibly recommend wording out your thesis a little more clearly, after reading the article it's evident that you discuss two sides of yourself and what different searches on the internet revealed about you, but an additional statement in your first paragraph may tie the whole article together, and give the reader a more clear understanding.

Overall I thought you had a great article, and it was evident that you put a lot of time into your research on yourself. I think you brought up a great argument with lots of research and a great explanation at the end of why you found the results you did.