Talk:Casey Greenbaum

Hello Casey, I really enjoyed your article and think you did a great job explaining your online identity. The introduction didn't hook me but did state what you will be talking about and how you will be focusing on authenticity. You do briefly state that Facebook helps you express your values and priorities (such as family) but don't go super into detail about how you explicitly show you value family. I think you were trying to explain that through your section about your cousin Corey but you don't explain it thoroughly and readers end up confused what the point of that section was. This is because you start out the section by stating that it is a private family matter that you don't post about...which would make the readers infer that you do NOT use Facebook to talk about family. Then you go into how you use the platform as a positive place to fundraise but that specific function of Facebook doesn't really speak to you and your online identity. So maybe explaining that more will help the readers understand why you included that. Furthermore, the section about new Facebook features doesn't really have anything to do with your argument or online identity so maybe leave that part out or explain how it speaks to you. I really liked your images and section titles but did find a few grammar and spelling errors so just make sure to read through everything before posting. Other than that I think it flowed well and each section tried to support your argument that your online identity was accurate. --Rachel Sartori

Hi Casey, I thought this article was really enjoyable and was a good insight into how your social media reflects your real life identity. I think that this was very well structured and provided a readable and engaging post. Your introduction was thought provoking and outlined what you were going to say throughout but it could have been more personable and eye catching. The first section where you present your ideas on the effect social media has on our identity did a great job with connecting the readings and gave great analysis. I think you could move the subsection on newish Facebook features into your get to know me section and explain how your profile changed over time. The split into the sections family and friends was very effective, and showing how Facebook allowed your family to do great things shines a more positive light on the power of social media. These sections do a good job on how the things that are important to you are represented online. The only other suggestion I have is that I noticed you posted a picture from your Instagram, maybe you could add a section talking about how you represent yourself there. Overall really nice job, I enjoyed reading it! --Sam Fennelly

Corina

Great job, Casey!

I enjoyed seeing how our conversations translated into this great essay.

For revision, your colleagues’ comments above are spot on. Please consider them fully.

Best,

Corina