Talk:Andrew Guise
Travis Spuller's Comments
Hi Mac,
I found similar success with the data brokers. I was only listed in BeenVerified, and even then so, had hardly any information about myself. This would be a great avenue to explore why there isn’t a lot of data on you. What is your internet activity like? What makes you invisible compared to a lot of the examples given by Professor Conway?
From your writing, I learned that you can download the information Facebook has of you. I didn’t know that! I’ll have to see if there is anything surprising in there. You should run with that report and compare it to the information Google has on you. Do you think Google (or any search engine) is taking the majority of the data from social media? Perhaps it’s coming from another source? After that, that should leave a great opportunity to compare the online identity you constructed yourself in Facebook (either it be a true representation of yourself or perhaps an idealized version) to the online identity given by a search engine. Do these contrast in any way?
I should also mention that your writing was very organized. The headers and the table of content fit nicely. Yet, I suggest adding some photos the compliment your writing. Also, I think you should assert some findings as your main point of the writing. Right now, I feel it is only a re-telling of an experience instead of critically analyzing the data you found.
I surely hope these comments give you aid in your revisions! Best of luck!
Adam Cusick's Comments
Hey Mac,
This is a really well-organized article. Your writing is clear and concise, and the organization makes it easy to follow. Just a small thing, but I noticed a few small typing errors (missing periods, uncapitalized “Google”, etc.). They’re pretty minor, but if you’re looking for them, you can find them. I’d recommend copying this onto word or something similar and running it through a spellcheck or grammar check. That’d help clean it up a bit.
It seemed to me that you have a way of relating your online self and real self through this article. By that, I mean I feel like I got to know you a bit just by reading this, which says something about you both online and offline. I think you should emphasize that a bit more. Showing yourself in your writing can help make the comparison between your data identity and the real you.
On that note, I think your whole piece would be strengthened even further if you kept coming back to a central theme. You note that your data profile is an accurate portrayal of who you are, and I think you should refer to that more, rather than just dropping your most important point at the end. Talk about how your Facebook results represent the real you. Tell us what your Instant Checkmate report said. Maybe tie in some of the class readings even more. You talk about Floridi’s concept of information friction at the end; you should think about placing that bit earlier so you can keep looping back to it throughout the article. I think if you think a bit more about your theme, and how you can link it all together, your clarity and the personality you show in your writing will make your profile really stand out.
