Talk:Alana Woloshin

Alana, I really enjoyed reading your statement, as I found myself relating really strongly to a lot of the points you touched on. I especially enjoyed when you tied in Floridi’s reading and stated how we no longer have the right of privacy. I could not agree more with you there. I think that you could benefit from using some of your conclusion in your introduction. Namely the line where you state, “As internet users, we cannot control the search results when we search ourselves.” This is an amazing point that is backed by the rest of your essay and that you tiptoe around in your introduction, but I think it would be powerful to really state your claim in the beginning. I also really like how you have the sections broken up into different subheadings, it makes for an easier read and helps your writing flow from topic to topic. One other thing you may want to consider is moving the quote you use in your intro into a different part of your writing so that you can provide a longer example, but I also think it does work where you have it so up to you. Overall I think you made a really great statement! -Rachel Becker (rmbecker)

Sophie Hoffman Comments

Hi Alana! First off, great job incorporating course content. In the first paragraph, you seamlessly introduce Haimson’s idea with your own point about not getting a clean slate on the internet. Also great incorporation of Shoemaker’s ideas into your final paragraph. I think it was smart to incorporate course content in the beginning and end of your piece, it really makes sure you have your ideas on track in the frame of the course content. I also thought your section on location services was interesting because it wasn’t something I’ve ever thought about. However, I think you might want to incorporate the information about your sister’s address as its own section because I think it is a separate issue from location. Even though it is an address, your point is that that information should not be linked to you. I think your points about having things online that aren’t harmful but you’d rather them not be there is an important thing to recognize, because that in and of itself is a breach of privacy!