Difference between revisions of "Talk:Tyler Walker"
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| − | I really liked how you correlated your changing online identity to the evolution of the social media platform itself. It was a nice relation that made this piece very unique. One thing I would improve would be trying to explain the concept of Reddit a bit more concisely so you can focus more on clearly explaining your online identity on Reddit. It might help to replace one of the generic Reddit images you have with one that more characterizes the platform such as a comment chain or post. Also the conclusion could use a little work as a lot of it felt redundant. I'd say try to focus a bit more on the differences between your online expression between the platform and a bit less on why you prefer one over the other. A few minor tweaks need to be made to flow and diction as well. Some of the paragraphs feel like they start entirely separate articles before being tied back to the topic halfway through. As for diction, there are points where you use terms like "irl" in one sentence and "discourse" and "centralized" the next. Focusing the language would help make this an even smoother read. Overall I really liked your piece, it was very unique and will be amazing with a few | + | I really liked how you correlated your changing online identity to the evolution of the social media platform itself. It was a nice relation that made this piece very unique. One thing I would improve would be trying to explain the concept of Reddit a bit more concisely so you can focus more on clearly explaining your online identity on Reddit. It might help to replace one of the generic Reddit images you have with one that more characterizes the platform such as a comment chain or post. Also the conclusion could use a little work as a lot of it felt redundant. I'd say try to focus a bit more on the differences between your online expression between the platform and a bit less on why you prefer one over the other. A few minor tweaks need to be made to flow and diction as well. Some of the paragraphs feel like they start entirely separate articles before being tied back to the topic halfway through. As for diction, there are points where you use terms like "irl" in one sentence and "discourse" and "centralized" the next. Focusing the language would help make this an even smoother read. Overall I really liked your piece, it was very unique and will be amazing with a few revisions. |
-- Luke Justice | -- Luke Justice | ||
Revision as of 08:26, 21 February 2018
I really liked how you correlated your changing online identity to the evolution of the social media platform itself. It was a nice relation that made this piece very unique. One thing I would improve would be trying to explain the concept of Reddit a bit more concisely so you can focus more on clearly explaining your online identity on Reddit. It might help to replace one of the generic Reddit images you have with one that more characterizes the platform such as a comment chain or post. Also the conclusion could use a little work as a lot of it felt redundant. I'd say try to focus a bit more on the differences between your online expression between the platform and a bit less on why you prefer one over the other. A few minor tweaks need to be made to flow and diction as well. Some of the paragraphs feel like they start entirely separate articles before being tied back to the topic halfway through. As for diction, there are points where you use terms like "irl" in one sentence and "discourse" and "centralized" the next. Focusing the language would help make this an even smoother read. Overall I really liked your piece, it was very unique and will be amazing with a few revisions.
-- Luke Justice
