Difference between revisions of "Talk:Tyler Walker"
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I really liked how you correlated your changing online identity to the evolution of the social media platform itself. It was a nice relation that made this piece very unique. One thing I would improve would be trying to explain the concept of Reddit a bit more concisely so you can focus more on clearly explaining your online identity on Reddit. It might help to replace one of the generic Reddit images you have with one that more characterizes the platform such as a comment chain or post. Also the conclusion could use a little work as a lot of it felt redundant. I'd say try to focus a bit more on the differences between your online expression between the platform and a bit less on why you prefer one over the other. A few minor tweaks need to be made to flow and diction as well. Some of the paragraphs feel like they start entirely separate articles before being tied back to the topic halfway through. As for diction, there are points where you use terms like "irl" in one sentence and "discourse" and "centralized" the next. Focusing the language would help make this an even smoother read. Overall I really liked your piece, it was very unique and will be amazing with a few revisions. | I really liked how you correlated your changing online identity to the evolution of the social media platform itself. It was a nice relation that made this piece very unique. One thing I would improve would be trying to explain the concept of Reddit a bit more concisely so you can focus more on clearly explaining your online identity on Reddit. It might help to replace one of the generic Reddit images you have with one that more characterizes the platform such as a comment chain or post. Also the conclusion could use a little work as a lot of it felt redundant. I'd say try to focus a bit more on the differences between your online expression between the platform and a bit less on why you prefer one over the other. A few minor tweaks need to be made to flow and diction as well. Some of the paragraphs feel like they start entirely separate articles before being tied back to the topic halfway through. As for diction, there are points where you use terms like "irl" in one sentence and "discourse" and "centralized" the next. Focusing the language would help make this an even smoother read. Overall I really liked your piece, it was very unique and will be amazing with a few revisions. | ||
-- Luke Justice | -- Luke Justice | ||
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| + | Hi Tyler, | ||
| + | I really liked the evolution of your opinion and presence on Facebook. Using a subreddit for a title was creative as well. Something I recommend is going deeper into your identity on Reddit. I think you did a good job explaining your changing identity on Facebook as the purpose of Facebook changed. With Reddit, it seemed like a place of solace for you, but it felt more like a praise of Reddit rather than knowing who you were on Reddit. I know it's confidential to show your handle on Reddit, but really knowing the subreddits you follow with pictures, and maybe an example of what kind of information you post on the subreddits you follow will really allow you to tell the reader who you are on Reddit. Does your identity on Reddit represent your preference of Reddit? | ||
Revision as of 09:21, 21 February 2018
I really liked how you correlated your changing online identity to the evolution of the social media platform itself. It was a nice relation that made this piece very unique. One thing I would improve would be trying to explain the concept of Reddit a bit more concisely so you can focus more on clearly explaining your online identity on Reddit. It might help to replace one of the generic Reddit images you have with one that more characterizes the platform such as a comment chain or post. Also the conclusion could use a little work as a lot of it felt redundant. I'd say try to focus a bit more on the differences between your online expression between the platform and a bit less on why you prefer one over the other. A few minor tweaks need to be made to flow and diction as well. Some of the paragraphs feel like they start entirely separate articles before being tied back to the topic halfway through. As for diction, there are points where you use terms like "irl" in one sentence and "discourse" and "centralized" the next. Focusing the language would help make this an even smoother read. Overall I really liked your piece, it was very unique and will be amazing with a few revisions.
-- Luke Justice
Hi Tyler,
I really liked the evolution of your opinion and presence on Facebook. Using a subreddit for a title was creative as well. Something I recommend is going deeper into your identity on Reddit. I think you did a good job explaining your changing identity on Facebook as the purpose of Facebook changed. With Reddit, it seemed like a place of solace for you, but it felt more like a praise of Reddit rather than knowing who you were on Reddit. I know it's confidential to show your handle on Reddit, but really knowing the subreddits you follow with pictures, and maybe an example of what kind of information you post on the subreddits you follow will really allow you to tell the reader who you are on Reddit. Does your identity on Reddit represent your preference of Reddit?
