Talk:Thomas Van Conett

Dominic Ralph - Thomas, you did a great job comparing the effectiveness of each search engine / method in analyzing yourself. What you could do better is to read the data assignment details because you mention a few things that came up wrong but do not go into detail about the extent of which your online data profile matches your real identity (which is a big part of this assignment). Besides for that, all I noticed was issues with sentence flow and formatting. Here are some awkward sentences that might need some revision: 1."The photo in question is not actually of me, in fact I’m not sure who the man pictured is." You could try 'The photo in question is not actually me; in fact, I'm not sure who the man pictured is.' 2."Looking back at the amount of time that has passed since I first set foot into the digital wilderness, with the chance to aggregate all of this information what did the data brokers have to say about my identity?" This sentence makes it seem as if data brokers are looking back at the amount of time that has passed since you first set foot into the digital wilderness. Either omit first half of sentence or create two independent sentences would be my suggestion. 3. "The most surprising data, however had more to do with the neighbors I have and my phone numbers, as well as the address of the first house I ever lived at." You are missing a comma after 'however'. Maybe try "The most surprising data, however, had more to do with the neighbors I have, my phone numbers, and the address of the first house I ever lived at." 4. "Some of my father’s work history seems to be tied up with my own, a few of my father’s patents have shown up on my record, tying the team, and the time, he worked on them back to me as part of my data profile." The flow of this sentence does not work. Try "Some of my father's work history seems to be tied up with my own; a few of my father's patents have shown up on my record - tying the team and the time he worked on them back to my data profile. Lastly, what you want to do is add a couple pictures since that is in the data assignment details.

Besides for more clearly answering the prompt and adding some pictures, this paper really only has sentence flow issues. A lot of these I gave you clear examples of but any remaining could be fixed by just carefully reading aloud your paper to yourself and talking in a way that follows your punctuation - if there is a pause where there shouldn't be or vise versa then you may need to edit.