Difference between revisions of "Talk:Sharanya Jayendraprasad"
(Commentary Chase Austin) |
|||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
Hi Sharanya, | Hi Sharanya, | ||
| − | + | On a micro level, you have a few grammar errors as well as spelling errors. Your picture links are also broken.I like the portion of your essay in "Too Much Too Toxic" where you focused on your specific audience and how it has changed. I feel that you can flush it out a bit more by just going more in-depth. I find your perspective on audience interesting. You don't necessarily have to keep having your audience increase rather monitor what you want each social media platform to stand for. You can flesh out those ideas a bit more. To me, your into wasn't as captivating; I think it can be improved by redesigning the first few sentences of your intro paragraph. I also think that your sentence structure is a little weird in a few of your paragraphs. You did a good job of explaining how your perspectives and audiences changes and how you moved to different platforms. You could also include more aspects of your online identity like privacy or something similar and explain how that has affected your decision to change platforms. | |
| − | On a micro level, you have a few grammar errors as well as spelling errors. Your picture links are also broken.I like the portion of your essay in "Too Much Too Toxic" where you focused on your specific audience and how it has changed. I feel that you can flush it out a bit more by just going more in-depth. I find your perspective on audience interesting. You don't necessarily have to keep having your audience increase rather monitor what you want each social media platform to stand for. You can flesh out those ideas a bit more. | + | |
| − | + | ||
Hi Sharanya, I think you took a good approach to this. I echo the comment above that photos are broken. Additionally, I think it is interesting how you say "The frequency of my content generation has decreased, and I much rather prefer posting pictures when an occasion calls for it, or snap my day to day activities to a specific group of friends. I am also notorious for tagging friends in memes, videos, and GIFs on Facebook and Instagram." However, I wished you had explored this concept much more throughout your piece. I think just more development and asking yourself why you chose to do certain actions throughout your piece could fill it out and develop it more, giving more character and depth overall. I hope you have good luck on your edits! -Madeline Nowicki | Hi Sharanya, I think you took a good approach to this. I echo the comment above that photos are broken. Additionally, I think it is interesting how you say "The frequency of my content generation has decreased, and I much rather prefer posting pictures when an occasion calls for it, or snap my day to day activities to a specific group of friends. I am also notorious for tagging friends in memes, videos, and GIFs on Facebook and Instagram." However, I wished you had explored this concept much more throughout your piece. I think just more development and asking yourself why you chose to do certain actions throughout your piece could fill it out and develop it more, giving more character and depth overall. I hope you have good luck on your edits! -Madeline Nowicki | ||
Revision as of 04:06, 22 February 2018
Hi Sharanya, On a micro level, you have a few grammar errors as well as spelling errors. Your picture links are also broken.I like the portion of your essay in "Too Much Too Toxic" where you focused on your specific audience and how it has changed. I feel that you can flush it out a bit more by just going more in-depth. I find your perspective on audience interesting. You don't necessarily have to keep having your audience increase rather monitor what you want each social media platform to stand for. You can flesh out those ideas a bit more. To me, your into wasn't as captivating; I think it can be improved by redesigning the first few sentences of your intro paragraph. I also think that your sentence structure is a little weird in a few of your paragraphs. You did a good job of explaining how your perspectives and audiences changes and how you moved to different platforms. You could also include more aspects of your online identity like privacy or something similar and explain how that has affected your decision to change platforms.
Hi Sharanya, I think you took a good approach to this. I echo the comment above that photos are broken. Additionally, I think it is interesting how you say "The frequency of my content generation has decreased, and I much rather prefer posting pictures when an occasion calls for it, or snap my day to day activities to a specific group of friends. I am also notorious for tagging friends in memes, videos, and GIFs on Facebook and Instagram." However, I wished you had explored this concept much more throughout your piece. I think just more development and asking yourself why you chose to do certain actions throughout your piece could fill it out and develop it more, giving more character and depth overall. I hope you have good luck on your edits! -Madeline Nowicki
Hey Sharanya,
I enjoyed reading your draft, but I still think there is some room for you to make improvements. The people above me talk about your formatting issues, but those shouldn't be to hard to change, and it should make your post look a lot better.You did a good job writing in personalized writing style. It gives the reader a good grasp of your decisions and actions. I think you could do a better job creating an intro. You jump into talking about Facebook immediately, but I think an intro that sums up your social media usage from middle school - present will help you organize your ideas better and help help the reader comprehend your opinions better. Similarity, you should make a conclusion section that wraps your ideas and allows you to reflect on your social media experience. You talk about sharing similar ideas and thoughts from past social media experiences, these would be valuable contributions to this section of the post. -Chase Austin
