Difference between revisions of "Talk:Shane Levine"
(Created page with "Samantha Cohen (samcoh) I really liked the story in the beginning of your section titled "Who is this Guy". It immediately grabbed me in, and I wanted to continue to read you...") |
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I really liked the story in the beginning of your section titled "Who is this Guy". It immediately grabbed me in, and I wanted to continue to read your piece. I think this beginning section would be much stronger if you take out the sentence where you say "…as we know no social media platform accurately represents the whole picture". I think this statement is easily arguable, and weakens the section. The proceeding sentences following this, continuing up until you ask "who is Shane on the internet?, could be used in your concluding section. Also, in your ending section you should consider summarizing what your different identities on various platforms say about you. You could maybe talk about how in isolation the platforms do not represent your full identity, but together they paint a more realistic picture of who you are offline? Overall, I really like how you wrote this like a timeline of your social media usage, and this was very entertaining to read!! | I really liked the story in the beginning of your section titled "Who is this Guy". It immediately grabbed me in, and I wanted to continue to read your piece. I think this beginning section would be much stronger if you take out the sentence where you say "…as we know no social media platform accurately represents the whole picture". I think this statement is easily arguable, and weakens the section. The proceeding sentences following this, continuing up until you ask "who is Shane on the internet?, could be used in your concluding section. Also, in your ending section you should consider summarizing what your different identities on various platforms say about you. You could maybe talk about how in isolation the platforms do not represent your full identity, but together they paint a more realistic picture of who you are offline? Overall, I really like how you wrote this like a timeline of your social media usage, and this was very entertaining to read!! | ||
Revision as of 23:19, 15 February 2018
Samantha Cohen (samcoh): I really liked the story in the beginning of your section titled "Who is this Guy". It immediately grabbed me in, and I wanted to continue to read your piece. I think this beginning section would be much stronger if you take out the sentence where you say "…as we know no social media platform accurately represents the whole picture". I think this statement is easily arguable, and weakens the section. The proceeding sentences following this, continuing up until you ask "who is Shane on the internet?, could be used in your concluding section. Also, in your ending section you should consider summarizing what your different identities on various platforms say about you. You could maybe talk about how in isolation the platforms do not represent your full identity, but together they paint a more realistic picture of who you are offline? Overall, I really like how you wrote this like a timeline of your social media usage, and this was very entertaining to read!!
