Talk:Serene Saldaña

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Revision as of 21:11, 20 February 2019 by Clyn (Talk | contribs) (Carolyn Busch)

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Guadalupe Gonzalez

Hi Serene,

I really enjoyed reading your profile. You did a great job of including readings from our course into your online profile and explained it very well. I also think you did an excellent job of including images into your profile. I especially appreciated how you discussed context collapse in relation to Facebook. Well done!

Ava Randa's Comment


The content and the course connections you make are signs that you put effort into this assignment! Good job! I love that you gave a "voice" to your Identity Statement, and that you spoke about how some information made you uncomfortable or anxious. Your introduction was also quite captivating and I chuckled at the Zoe Saldaña comment.

As for some suggestions, I would recommend including a "Contents" Box at the top of your page, and perhaps break down your identity via the Data Broker vs. your identity via Google and social media sites (making them separate categories). There are a few grammatical errors that can easily be fixed upon revision (ex., within the category titled "My Context Collapse & Transparency" you have "Unfortunately, a. majority..." written instead of "Unfortunately, a majority...." Nothing major, but just a minor error to be aware of!!

Another thing I noticed is that you say, "' Instagram doesn't even have my full name on it so that was a little scary." I'm assuming you're suggesting that it appeared on your Data Broker results? Perhaps make this a bit more clear for the reader.

Lastly, I think your conclusion could be a bit stronger, and you could wrap up by talking more about your overall online identity and how it compares to your actual online presence.

Best-- Ava

Carolyn Busch

Hi Serene,

You've developed a strong voice in your writing, and this was an excellent start to your data identity. Your references at the bottom were well formatted. In Media wiki you can add link to references at the bottom of the page. One suggestion for writing would be to add more transitions between different topics. For example, you might add a transition between talking about old cringe photos and your grandmother, as well as starting to talk about the data broker. I would also suggest breaking up the section My Context Collapse & Transparency. There are a lot of interesting ideas in the paragraph, but it is long. In your conclusion you say "I have learned much about myself". Could you remind the reader what kind of things you did learn?