Talk:Qhoe Yun

Qhoe, this was a really unique post. The flow was logical, starting with an introduction of your moral beliefs, a search of your online identity, an evaluation of your beliefs, and greater moral implications. It was interesting how you adopted the perspective of John Doe because it gives a glimpse of what the reader would find if he or she were to look you up. It sounds like you did a comprehensive search, and I like how you used these results to greater inform how they influence your moral beliefs around data and privacy.

For your revision, I think you could improve by talking more about your data broker report (if you got one) and doing some more searches beyond social media. Social media is often something we can control, so it'd be interesting to see what information is out there that you didn't expect to find and how that might change your views. You make a point about how easy it is to craft a persona on someone based on gathering information from their social media profiles, but what about the information that lies beyond these websites? Does that information change your view about the price users pay to use the Internet?

The last section on perfect information is a good start, but it's a little unclear what your argument is and how it is relevant to the rest of your post at large. I like how your bring in an ethical discussion and clearly back it up with support, but I think the connection between the moral argument and the rest of your piece needs some more clarity. I'd also recommend giving your final revision a proof read as there were some typos and grammatical errors. Good job overall!

-Evon Yao

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Hi Qhoe,

I really liked the concept of your attempting to learn about yourself as a John Doe. The idea you had of "data as currency" is a really interesting one and I think you should expand on it more and how you process spending the currency.

How a few words can make a major difference is a good starting point for discussion about what is and isn't out there depending on how you search. Moreover, what you were able to find from the burner LinkedIn account is also interesting because it tells a radically different story from what John Doe found on Facebook. Comparing these two worlds or spheres would add more to "Findings".

Not sure what you were trying to get at once you brought up Bok. It doesn't seem like the Pocket Oracle connects to privacy. The conclusion to this section is what I would focus on: "We are more than just information." Expand on this more in connection to what's out there and what you feel like as the creator of your data and the offline you.

Overall, I think the concept is there but you need to do more analysis than story as most of "Findings" seemed to be a story and no discussion or analysis until the end. The page felt boring to look at as most of it was blocks of text with an occasional picture. As Evon said, it would be good to do a close proofread, or even use the Sweetland Writing Center as some parts felt clucky and wordy, had weird word choices, and with a few grammatical errors.

Best,

Tim Michowski