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| − | Qhoe, this was a really unique post. The flow was logical, starting with an introduction of your moral beliefs, a search of your online identity, an evaluation of your beliefs, and greater moral implications. It was interesting how you adopted the perspective of John Doe because it gives a glimpse of what the reader would find if he or she were to look you up. It sounds like you did a comprehensive search, and I like how you used these results to greater inform how they influence your moral beliefs around data and privacy.
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| − | For your revision, I think you could improve by talking more about your data broker report (if you got one) and doing some more searches beyond social media. Social media is often something we can control, so it'd be interesting to see what information is out there that you didn't expect to find and how that might change your views. You make a point about how easy it is to craft a persona on someone based on gathering information from their social media profiles, but what about the information that lies beyond these websites? Does that information change your view about the price users pay to use the Internet?
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| − | The last section on perfect information is a good start, but it's a little unclear what your argument is and how it is relevant to the rest of your post at large. I like how your bring in an ethical discussion and clearly back it up with support, but I think the connection between the moral argument and the rest of your piece needs some more clarity.
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| − | I'd also recommend giving your final revision a proof read as there were some typos and grammatical errors. Good job overall!
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| − | -Evon Yao
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| − | ________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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| − | Hi Qhoe,
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| − | I really liked the concept of your attempting to learn about yourself as a John Doe. The idea you had of "data as currency" is a really interesting one and I think you should expand on it more and how you process spending the currency.
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| − | How a few words can make a major difference is a good starting point for discussion about what is and isn't out there depending on how you search. Moreover, what you were able to find from the burner LinkedIn account is also interesting because it tells a radically different story from what John Doe found on Facebook. Comparing these two worlds or spheres would add more to "Findings".
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| − | Not sure what you were trying to get at once you brought up Bok. It doesn't seem like the Pocket Oracle connects to privacy. The conclusion to this section is what I would focus on: "We are more than just information." Expand on this more in connection to what's out there and what you feel like as the creator of your data and the offline you.
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| − | Overall, I think the concept is there but you need to do more analysis than story as most of "Findings" seemed to be a story and no discussion or analysis until the end. The page felt boring to look at as most of it was blocks of text with an occasional picture. As Evon said, it would be good to do a close proofread, or even use the Sweetland Writing Center as some parts felt clucky and wordy, had weird word choices, and with a few grammatical errors.
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| − | Best,
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| − | Tim Michowski
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| − | ________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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| − | Hi Qhoe,
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| − | I really liked your writing style and the way you described how someone else would attempt to look up as much information about you in order to learn about your online identity. Definitely unique compared to past examples given to us.
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| − | I also found your idea of using data as a form of payment very interesting. In a way, this true as companies such as Facebook and Google mainly make their profits through advertisements using their customer's data. In return, we are presented with products that we find extremely useful. I thought that your introduction was well structured.
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| − | As for revisions, I found your Findings section to be a bit wordy as you just list your results on and on and on without much of your thoughts on the matter. You said earlier that you were "OK with my information being out there" but what about how easy it is to find? I think maybe adding another section more focused on your opinions on what information is available would really bring everything together. As others have stated, your last paragraph explains the philosophy of "perfect information" well but the connection to the rest of the writing is a lacking a bit. The results of your Google searches and the data brokerage info all pertain to the idea of privacy and data availability but it is how to understand how moral agency plays a role.
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| − | Overall, I think this is a great start!
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| − | Best,
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| − | Steven
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| − | ________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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| − | Hello Qhoe,
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| − | I enjoyed being brought on John Doe's journey in discovering the findings of Qhoe Jeremy Yun. It was a very creative take in exploring your Google Search results and data broker findings.
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| − | I think you did a good job on reflecting whether the "digital" you represented who you are in real life. You also brought up a very good point on how we may need to compromise some of our privacy for the convenience it provides us. Overall, the introduction flows well into your findings and reflection.
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| − | One revision you could make is maybe clarifying more on how your last section on "perfect information" connects to the rest of your MediaWiki. I had trouble understanding your stance on the idea of "perfect information". Are you suggesting that even if some entity would know everything about you, they wouldn't be able to re-create who you are "perfectly"? They would not be able to predict your future actions. It would be nice to have split the last paragraph into more distinct sections to really bring up your point.
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| − | Best,
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| − | Alan Yu
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