Difference between revisions of "Talk:Paulo Warren"
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| − | What an amazing Wiki post Paulo! This is by far my favorite Wiki post from those that I have read. The third person narrative made this unique and was an interesting perspective to view from compared to the first person. I enjoyed the fact that Paulo was conscious of the privacy options and concerned with the views of others and the changes he made accordingly. It was also interesting that Paulo emphasizes the different online identity one would be able to decode from each individual social media platform. Paulo did a great job with assessing his identity relative to the real him. In terms of flow of text, I think Paulo could work on better transitions from one social media platform to the next. | + | What an amazing Wiki post Paulo! This is by far my favorite Wiki post from those that I have read. The third person narrative made this unique and was an interesting perspective to view from compared to the first person. This piece talks about the writer’s online identity and describes the online identity formation and presentation practices. The first sentence wasn’t exactly a hook, but it was a clear statement which provided enough details for me to infer what the paper would focus on. I enjoyed the fact that Paulo was conscious of the privacy options and concerned with the views of others and the changes he made accordingly. It was also interesting that Paulo emphasizes the different online identity one would be able to decode from each individual social media platform. Paulo did a great job with assessing his identity relative to the real him. In terms of flow of text, I think Paulo could work on better transitions from one social media platform to the next. However, the individual paragraphs itself transitioned smoothly. In regards to the structure, I think that everything is fine except for the two pictures squishing the block on text. I didn’t really find the split words in the center of the page aesthetically pleasing, so maybe Paulo could rearrange one of the pictures. The concluding paragraph does a great job of summarizing the main points and links back to all three social media platforms effectively. I liked the inclusion of what social media didn’t reveal about Paulo, and acted as a sort of cliff hanger to the wiki which was an interesting way to end it. The writing style is definitely appropriate and provides all necessary background information. I did not see any problems with grammar, punctuation, spelling, or any other writing conventions. Overall, this was a great Wiki post and was an interesting read! – Jack Zhang |
Revision as of 02:46, 22 February 2018
Paulo, overall I think that the work you did on this post was pretty solid. I think that the strongest point of your post is that you choose to reveal a lot about yourself and your interests and that contrasts quite well with your chosen theme of privacy, which you wove in quite evenly throughout your post. I also felt that you did well in comparing yourself in real life to the you that exists online. In terms of improvements, I felt as though your opening was a bit rough and hard to get into; it would really strengthen your post to have a grabbing element in your opening paragraph. Also, the segments that you had may be a bit thick and could use some more division to make them into more easily digestible bits. In terms of visual formatting, I would recommend keeping the titles of your sections flushed to the left, and making sure your images don't make the blocks of texts awkward to read. Finally, while I appreciate your expanding into other social media platforms to better give your reader a feel for the entire scope of your online identity, I felt as though your segments on Reddit and Instagram were maybe a bit lacking in comparison to how in depth you were with your analysis on Facebook; bolstering those two would certainly benefit your post as a whole.
Great post, I look forward to see how you choose to revise what you have. -- Fred Durham
What an amazing Wiki post Paulo! This is by far my favorite Wiki post from those that I have read. The third person narrative made this unique and was an interesting perspective to view from compared to the first person. This piece talks about the writer’s online identity and describes the online identity formation and presentation practices. The first sentence wasn’t exactly a hook, but it was a clear statement which provided enough details for me to infer what the paper would focus on. I enjoyed the fact that Paulo was conscious of the privacy options and concerned with the views of others and the changes he made accordingly. It was also interesting that Paulo emphasizes the different online identity one would be able to decode from each individual social media platform. Paulo did a great job with assessing his identity relative to the real him. In terms of flow of text, I think Paulo could work on better transitions from one social media platform to the next. However, the individual paragraphs itself transitioned smoothly. In regards to the structure, I think that everything is fine except for the two pictures squishing the block on text. I didn’t really find the split words in the center of the page aesthetically pleasing, so maybe Paulo could rearrange one of the pictures. The concluding paragraph does a great job of summarizing the main points and links back to all three social media platforms effectively. I liked the inclusion of what social media didn’t reveal about Paulo, and acted as a sort of cliff hanger to the wiki which was an interesting way to end it. The writing style is definitely appropriate and provides all necessary background information. I did not see any problems with grammar, punctuation, spelling, or any other writing conventions. Overall, this was a great Wiki post and was an interesting read! – Jack Zhang
