Difference between revisions of "Talk:Natalie Lampa"
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I really like your focus on the lack of information on your online identity and what you did to ensure you achieve that to show that you actually did everything you can to find yourself. In addition, I applaud the extra effort you went through by paying data brokers for your information and am shocked that even then you weren’t able to find much about yourself. However, you might want to check your photos because they are not uploaded online yet as a result the personal evidence is not as genuine as it could be (perhaps you could add photos of the sex offender chart and the result you got from the data broker?). You also might want to relate back to class materials such as assigned or optional readings. In terms of writing style, it is clear and concise with no noticeable typos except for the first sentence “a person that I’ve volunteered at” where it’s hard to discern what you are actually trying to say. Other than that just make sure the mediaWiki’s capability is being fully utilized by making sure your pictures are actually uploaded online. | I really like your focus on the lack of information on your online identity and what you did to ensure you achieve that to show that you actually did everything you can to find yourself. In addition, I applaud the extra effort you went through by paying data brokers for your information and am shocked that even then you weren’t able to find much about yourself. However, you might want to check your photos because they are not uploaded online yet as a result the personal evidence is not as genuine as it could be (perhaps you could add photos of the sex offender chart and the result you got from the data broker?). You also might want to relate back to class materials such as assigned or optional readings. In terms of writing style, it is clear and concise with no noticeable typos except for the first sentence “a person that I’ve volunteered at” where it’s hard to discern what you are actually trying to say. Other than that just make sure the mediaWiki’s capability is being fully utilized by making sure your pictures are actually uploaded online. | ||
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| + | ==== Molly Bis's comments ==== | ||
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| + | Hi Natalie, I think you did a great job capturing your own unique voice in this post. You wove your own opinions into your experience with your investigation of your digital footprint. You also did well explaining the lack of information you found about yourself on certain sites, which is a totally realistic thing to happen. I enjoyed the personal anecdote you used in your introduction statement, however I think you could greatly improve it with a beginning sentence that hooks the readers. | ||
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| + | To make your post even stronger, I would suggest mentioning the course concept you touched on in your conclusion statement at the end of your introduction statement. That way your writing piece will have a strong beginning, middle and ending. Your actual analysis of the data you found about yourself online is very detail-oriented and contains genuine personality and effort. I would also fix the links to your pictures because they are not showing up in your post. Overall, well done! | ||
Revision as of 19:53, 20 February 2019
Natalie,
I really like your focus on the lack of information on your online identity and what you did to ensure you achieve that to show that you actually did everything you can to find yourself. In addition, I applaud the extra effort you went through by paying data brokers for your information and am shocked that even then you weren’t able to find much about yourself. However, you might want to check your photos because they are not uploaded online yet as a result the personal evidence is not as genuine as it could be (perhaps you could add photos of the sex offender chart and the result you got from the data broker?). You also might want to relate back to class materials such as assigned or optional readings. In terms of writing style, it is clear and concise with no noticeable typos except for the first sentence “a person that I’ve volunteered at” where it’s hard to discern what you are actually trying to say. Other than that just make sure the mediaWiki’s capability is being fully utilized by making sure your pictures are actually uploaded online.
Molly Bis's comments
Hi Natalie, I think you did a great job capturing your own unique voice in this post. You wove your own opinions into your experience with your investigation of your digital footprint. You also did well explaining the lack of information you found about yourself on certain sites, which is a totally realistic thing to happen. I enjoyed the personal anecdote you used in your introduction statement, however I think you could greatly improve it with a beginning sentence that hooks the readers.
To make your post even stronger, I would suggest mentioning the course concept you touched on in your conclusion statement at the end of your introduction statement. That way your writing piece will have a strong beginning, middle and ending. Your actual analysis of the data you found about yourself online is very detail-oriented and contains genuine personality and effort. I would also fix the links to your pictures because they are not showing up in your post. Overall, well done!
