Difference between revisions of "Talk:Madeline Nowicki"

Revision as of 23:23, 21 February 2018

I found your online identity statement to be very engaging. I felt that you artfully walked your readers through your different personas on social media. Especially in the beginning when you hooked your readers with a story. I would try including a picture earlier on so readers can visualize you during this time. From the beginning of finding your guiding path of your astrological to your expression of this on Facebook, under the real name policy, I found that your blunt explanation of your online purpose was very useful for readers. It allowed me to follow your journey on social media, keeping your stated purpose in mind. I enjoyed seeing how these goals played out on different social media sites. To improve your piece, I would pick two social media platforms to discuss your presence on. Currently, through your comparison of your presence on 3 separate social media platforms, it feels as though you are just stating what you do. I believe if you honed your focus to 2 of those platforms you could dive in deeper as to why you act differently on each. You could also incorporate class readings as to how your actions are similar and different to social media norms. I would also try to come up with more creative headers, so that readers are excited and curious to continue down your page. Lastly, in your reflection you talk a lot about who you are as a person, not as much how you are represented online. I would switch the reflection focus to how you are online and then just mention that you believe that is different than you in real life. This will help align you with the purpose of the online identity assignment. Good luck on your revision!

-- Cami Johnson

To begin, I found your hook very interesting. There's just enough detail to tell a story, but not enough to know how it will end. My only recommendation for that part of the wikipage is maybe include a picture (perhaps one from the time period) to help readers paint a picture (especially because your introduction is almost in narrative form). Additionally, I really liked how you compared your online identity ("libra_szn") with the actual profiles you hold — both are who you want to be. However, I think you should be a bit more explicit in whether or not you feel they are authentic representations of your identity. Additionally, you might want to consider focusing on one social media platform (I think Twitter would work best, since you seem to be most involved on there). That way, you can further explore your presentation of self instead of cramming it into one paragraph. That change would also allow for better flow, because as it stands, each paragraph is a completely different idea (just because they're about different platforms).

As far as course material goes, I think it's important to incorporate more of the readings. Not only is it part of the requirements, but it will also help lend your opinions more legitimacy if you find a reading that helps explain your behaviors. However, other than that I don't have any more major complaints. The grammar was correct, the tone was the perfect mx of conversational and authoritative (at least in my opinion), and you used multiple pictures to effectively give the readers a complete portrait of your online profiles.

-- Jason