Difference between revisions of "Talk:Lisa Gomez"
(Created page with "Hi Lisa! Let me start by saying that I loved the formatting of your writing. Comparing your assessment of your Facebook identity to some sort of procedure or technological pr...") |
|||
| Line 10: | Line 10: | ||
- Mackenzie Francisco | - Mackenzie Francisco | ||
| + | |||
| + | |||
| + | Hi Lisa, | ||
| + | |||
| + | I really enjoyed your piece! I thought it started out with a really strong hook that drew me in immediately -- I also loved Jerry Spinnelli's writing. Your section titles were creative and fun! I think it's a good idea to add an Author's note to add more context to what you're doing. | ||
| + | |||
| + | I think it was a really good choice to write your page from two different perspectives, one from third person and one from first person. I think you did a great job walking us through all the facets of your Facebook personality. I wish you had provided us with more real-world context for us to realize just how different you are in real life! I think your writing was strong and flowed well. | ||
| + | |||
| + | Nice work! | ||
| + | |||
| + | Best, | ||
| + | Ritam Mehta | ||
Latest revision as of 20:59, 31 March 2017
Hi Lisa!
Let me start by saying that I loved the formatting of your writing. Comparing your assessment of your Facebook identity to some sort of procedure or technological process (e.g. “PHASE 1:INFO EXTRACTION) was very creative. I think it’s interesting that you’ve built your online presence around a feeling of “indifference” toward what others think about you.
In assessing your Facebook identity relative to who you really are, you did a great job parsing through the different aspects of your Facebook profile and explaining why you choose to structure them in the way that you do. I also think the idea to contrast what someone can observe from your profile with how you are in reality was clever, but I wish you had gone into more depth about your offline identity. Toward the end of your piece, you say, “I believe it is what my Facebook doesn’t have about me that speaks more about me.” Although you explain why you’ve made certain choices when it comes to your Facebook profile, you don’t go into much depth about what these choices say about who you are as a person offline. I wanted to know more about the real you!
The quality of your writing was strong, with only a few grammatical errors. I particularly liked your “Author’s Note” because it gave me a glimpse into your personality and what inspires you.
Overall, I think your writing touched on many important aspects of your online identity while allowing some of your personal voice to come through. Great job!
- Mackenzie Francisco
Hi Lisa,
I really enjoyed your piece! I thought it started out with a really strong hook that drew me in immediately -- I also loved Jerry Spinnelli's writing. Your section titles were creative and fun! I think it's a good idea to add an Author's note to add more context to what you're doing.
I think it was a really good choice to write your page from two different perspectives, one from third person and one from first person. I think you did a great job walking us through all the facets of your Facebook personality. I wish you had provided us with more real-world context for us to realize just how different you are in real life! I think your writing was strong and flowed well.
Nice work!
Best, Ritam Mehta
