Talk:Kyle Gericke
Hi Kyle!
I think you did a great job assessing your data identity. I really liked how you compared what was out there and rated how accurately you felt it depicted you. You mention a lot how you expected to find a lot of your information out there, and I think one way to improve this would be to mention a few things you thought would be available, why you felt this way, and why you feel they weren't available. If added, this will give the readers a better vision of your identity. I think the quality of writing is very high and it is very well done in that sense. This flows well and it is very logical in ordering, making it very easy to understand. You have no glaring grammar errors, which make it easy to read. However, some sentences are a little long, and I think shortening them or making them into two sentences will increase the readability by a little. Overall, really good job and I look forward to reading the final draft.
- Dylan Schwartz
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Kyle, I believe you have an exemplary first draft for this assignment. Everything is extremely well organized and laid out. I liked how you not only explained what you found throughout the process of searching for your information, but also explained the thoughts you had throughout the process and how these thoughts developed into a newfound perspective on the subject matter at the end. I also liked how you explained the information that you were able to find on yourself in terms of accuracy as well as relevance to the present day. It is also good to see that you have already included a connection to the base readings in class in your first draft. As far as possible revisions it is difficult to think of ways that this page could be improved. If I remember correctly from lecture, it may be a good idea to put your introduction that explains what the page is about before your table of contents.
- Steven Allred
