Talk:Kevin Jiang

Comment: Roy Okerstrom

Hey Kevin, I thought I really enjoyed reading what your findings were and especially what your feelings were in regards to this assignment. I think your biggest strength in this article is definitely your connections to the readings. You intertwine them consistently with your findings and each time they are very relevant and well elaborated. Many articles will connect just in the begging or end of their article and use the middle as filling and as a platform to discuss their findings, you however are mentioning topics from the reading consistently throughout your article. Well done!

I think there are a few things in here that you could change which would definitely benefit your article. Firstly, I found your introduction (first two paragraphs) to be a bit lengthy. I thought the content in them was good, but I would try also adding a bit more about the assignment itself as opposed to lots of synopsis of some of our readings. Secondly, I also think that your article could benefit from a little bit of structure. One functionality that you can use on Wiki is to make small header sections, that will outline what you will be talking about below. I think that this would really help organize your article and make it easier to read for your readers. If you don't know what I mean, check out my Data Identity assignment as I implemented some of the headers there.

Good Job!

Comment: Brennan Burke

Hey Kevin, I thought that this article was a very interesting read and I liked that you provided a lot of your personal thoughts throughout the discovery process. Overall, you did a great job at connecting your experiences to the ideas of Floridi and Shoemaker. One thing that I would try to clarify a bit would be your thesis statement. You do a very good job of introducing a lot of ideas in your intro paragraph, but its a little unclear to me what the overall point your trying to make is. I would suggest rereading through your piece to narrow down a good thesis that fits for all of the article.

As far as structure goes, I think you did a very good job of breaking up your text into smaller chunks that make the article more readable. However, I would suggest adding some headers where you can section off certain parts of your writing to make it more organized. Another structural tip would be to make your pictures much bigger and maybe move them around a bit. The way your pictures are currently set up it is very hard to tell what they are. By moving these around and making them bigger it will help to make your page look better.

Good luck!