Talk:Jordan VanderZwaag
Hi Jordan,
After looking through a bunch of autobiography posts to comment on that all seemed quite similar, it was refreshing to check out a post written in third person. So first off, I commend you for an original effort. You stuck to your style that you started with, and because of your consistent tone, the statement was fun to read easy to comprehend. I enjoyed the way it was written as a story rather than a standard essay – it allowed a look into your view on “Facebook stalking” as well as offering some suspense. Along those lines, your inclusion of photos to match the storytelling made it seem as though I was navigating through your page. The statement was simply written which proved to be very effective. Grammatically, I noticed one small error – “posts his friends” (6th paragraph) – that was extremely minor.
The statement flowed well, especially once I realized that you were writing about authenticity, specifically the fact that you believe your Facebook page is a strong reflection of your identity. Although you did not pinpoint a specific aspect of your profile to focus on, I felt that a third person essay should not have – so, well done. I liked how you kept consistent to the parallel of meeting someone to that of reflecting on your own authentic identity. To critique a bit, I thought you should have went a bit more in depth about secondary posts, as you only included the example of your friend’s wall post. You made it seem as though secondary posts dominated your wall, but only briefly elaborated on such. Also, you did not mention any real type of ethical questions. Although it would be difficult and potentially awkward to break from tone, it would have been valuable to get ethical points across. I was trying to see if it was ethical questions were implied somewhere in the story, but had trouble finding such. A final suggestion: I would have liked if you potentially threw in another stalker’s point of view – or at least mentioned such an idea – as I feel there are many possibilities to go about stalking someone, which can lead to different directions in interpreting identity.
Best,
Alex.
