Difference between revisions of "Talk:Ibrahim Rasheed"
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| + | Ibrahim, I'd like to start by saying that I liked the 3rd person point of view that you used on this page. However, I do think that some work could be used on hooking the reader. I'd suggest switching the first two lines of your page as your quote, "It’s important to understand I have not written this based on how others have actually told me they’ve interpreted my account; rather, this is the impression I hope others who see my account make of me." is fantastic and perfectly represents what this assignment is all about. Which, as you continue on in your page from the point of view of a recruiter, the third person view really shines. I really enjoy the way that each section walks through a typical internal monologue that someone would have interfacing with the different social media sites. It's very honest, the tidbit about borrowing someone's phone to check out somebody's private Instagram is a staple in the college social scene, and the way your piece describes the scenario hits home on exactly why you set your page to public, without explicitly saying it, which I thought was incredibly elegant. | ||
Revision as of 23:08, 21 February 2018
Thanks for including the “how-to” portion at the top of your autobiography. That made it easier for me as a reader to understand your intent as a writer. Your section on LinkedIn was very interesting because I was able to understand how important your professional appearance is to you. The information felt very curated. I wonder, is your placement of this section at the top deliberate? I gathered that this identity is the most salient of your online identities. I liked the contrast of more formal LinkedIn you and more casual Instagram you which seems to be more friendly and warm. Your Twitter felt like a peek into your mind with stream-of-consciousness posts and random thoughts. Overall I really liked your post as you compared how you portray yourself on these different platforms. I saw changes in what you reveal and why (formalness of setting) and how you connect with others (recruiters on LinkedIn and friends on Instagram and Twitter). One thing I am still curious about is how these identities connect to in-real-life Ibrahim? What does he think of himself? Kinda meta but still...
Grammar/spelling comments: “Ibrahim volunteered at a refugee center, which is doubtful he did for his career;” -this portion of the sentence in your LinkedIn section sounds a bit awkward. Maybe rephrase the second half a bit?
“Lastly, I checked his LinkedIn activity. There’s very little to see.” -in this sentence from the LinkedIn section you randomly switched from 3rd to 1st person.
“It must be because he’s build college relationships on other platforms and Twitter is high school/hometown people.” -there is a grammar mistake in this sentence from your Twitter section.
---Rebecca
Currently editing - Graham Eger
Ibrahim, I'd like to start by saying that I liked the 3rd person point of view that you used on this page. However, I do think that some work could be used on hooking the reader. I'd suggest switching the first two lines of your page as your quote, "It’s important to understand I have not written this based on how others have actually told me they’ve interpreted my account; rather, this is the impression I hope others who see my account make of me." is fantastic and perfectly represents what this assignment is all about. Which, as you continue on in your page from the point of view of a recruiter, the third person view really shines. I really enjoy the way that each section walks through a typical internal monologue that someone would have interfacing with the different social media sites. It's very honest, the tidbit about borrowing someone's phone to check out somebody's private Instagram is a staple in the college social scene, and the way your piece describes the scenario hits home on exactly why you set your page to public, without explicitly saying it, which I thought was incredibly elegant.
