Talk:Hailey Isaacs
Hi Hailey,
This was a funny read! You did a great job of keeping my attention with your witty commentary. However, I would like to see more introspective analysis in the beginning history of your Facebook, especially if you could comment on some deeper significance behind why you took so many photos in eighth grade compared to high school. Instead of just telling me that it was what every 8th grader did on Facebook, maybe reveal why you personally felt the need to share so much information to the rest of the world. I would also like to have known how genuine your Facebook account reflected the real "you" when you used it in middle school and high school. Was there a stark contrast between the persona you constructed online compared to who you were in real life? Explaining the potential difference would make your avatar page that much more compelling and interesting.
Another thing I would like to know more about is how your Facebook account reflects who you are in college now, especially since you have transitioned from using it heavily before to barely at all now. It also would have been cool to see you elaborate on your last sentence about why you are different online compared to in real life where you are very open with sharing information. I would also like to see the conclusion lengthened so that you explain how your online persona suggests that you are a wallflower and the effects it has on your online persona and you in real life.
I think your formatting is on point because I can follow your timeline and thoughts in a chronological order. There are some grammar mistakes here and there, so I would recommend combing through your page and fixing all of them. Overall, your avatar page was very entertaining to read, but I would just like to see more in-depth analysis of why and how you use social media as a reflection of yourself.
Sincerely,
George Lu
Comment #2
Hey Hailey!
I'll try to be as detailed as possible and will be giving suggestions as I read. They will be in chronological order.
First off, I really like how you made the timeline cover photo your wikipedia "cover photo"! It is really eye-catching and makes me want to read it more. While reading the "A Brief History" section, I felt like the flow of the reading was choppy. If this was intended as a means to get to the point in how you use Facebook in college, it was successful. As a creative assignment, it feels rather rushed for this part and it highlights how embarrassed you felt when skimming upon the past during this assignment. Well done on that part!
Today's stats and biography can be improved with the person-info box so that it looks more visually appealing. Some other students such as Allan Chen and Travis Latchaw II have used it in the top of their pages, I assume that you can do the same. Within the photos section, I was really interested in the backstory of your Michigan and Michigan State picture. It would have been nice to see the photo. Some more details or even an exploration on why people take seemingly-close photos with people they barely interact with could have been a big hit in your autobiography. It's interesting to see how you talk about Messenger as the new use for Facebook. Did it replace mobile texting for you? A comparison between your Timeline presence and Messenger presence could be shown through a photo here.
The same process of your writing repeats when looking into Twitter and Tumblr. The language is refreshing, however it is hard to read it at a good flow. It feels rather choppy, like 140 character limit is a thing.
I would suggest explicitly tying in some themes of either embodiment, authenticity, or temporarily within the autobiography as that is what the assignment is about.
Hope this helps! I really do think it is interesting on why you are a wallflower and not really public compared to others. Perhaps that can be something you can explore more with the theme(s) that we need to relate to?
Best, Cecilia Ngo
