Difference between revisions of "Talk:Fred Durham"

Revision as of 06:07, 5 March 2018

First things first, I really enjoyed the intro. I got all of the references that you dropped in there, so I found it quite amusing. However, I don't know how someone who doesn't know the things you mentioned would feel. Probably lost, or even just close the page. However, I feel like it was a very unique way to start. I think what made this so interesting is it gives you a perspective on someone who isn't really into to social media at all. I know a couple friends, who are exactly the same way.

I feel as though a section about your current use of social media, could be beneficial. Maybe a brief section of like your current Facebook profile you've made. I think it would fit in fine with the flow of the piece, possibly adding it to the not much has changed section could work. Another comment in this discussion mentioned using other images. I felt the first picture was great, but using more images even if random could spruce up the piece and help hold the reader’s attention. The sections were broken up very well and I don’t see much needed for improvement on the flow or how you broke the sections apart, besides the aforementioned additions potentially. The grammar seemed good and it was a very easy read. Considering you don't use social media much at all, I feel this was a spectacular job. Also you bring up the fact that you feel people curate to hide their flaws. Maybe explaining what do you feel would be a correct method for social media to include those things in the conclusion would really make the conclusion stand out. Expanding on this idea might be very interesting to explore. Thank you for sharing it, and good luck with revisions.- Vincent Rogers

Upon first reading your intro, I was just as confused as you mentioned I would be in the second paragraph following it. However I think this bold choice of style paid off and it drew me into your article before I had even finished the first few sentences. And while sometimes this approach can often leave the reader feeling confused on how it ties in to the rest of your story, I think it made perfect sense given that you rarely use Facebook now, and that first identity you created aligns with your current beliefs of social media.

When actually talking about your presence on Facebook, I would maybe think about adding more analysis on why you do not do certain things on it, such as posting statuses or photos. While you alluded to several points on why you do not use it including the fact that you prefer creating offline relationships, I think there is room to dive a bit deeper into the specifics of your online usage.

Furthermore, I think you chose a great photo to show at the beginning of the piece, but it would not hurt to maybe add one or two more displaying what your profile currently looks like even if it is low on content.

The overall flow of the post made sense though and I think it was the right call to use a more chronologically-based outline then jumping back and forth. For your revision I would work on adding more specifics to your actual Facebook usage, even if there is not much to pinpoint, and you could also add a few more ideas from the readings to supplement your personal findings.

-Julien Childress

Corina

Great start, Fred!

I remember us taking about this topic after class and I appreciate the way you addressed it in this essay.

When it comes to revision suggestions, your colleagues’ comments above are spot on. Please consider them fully.

Also, consider adding some visual aid toward the end to balance the initial (the mysterious) first pix.

Best,

Corina