Talk:Evan Jon Gennrich
Comment #1: (Tiffany Luong)
Hi Evan!
First off, I really like your style of writing. It is different than most people’s – but in a good way. I was very engaged reading your whole autobiography. The part that made me laugh was how you stated that you never know who you are connected to, that people you happen to meet might be the one to introduce you to your future wife. That is very true. I can tell you put a lot of work into writing your autobiography. The overall quality is great, but there are a few minor changes I found that could make it even better (if that is even possible).
One thing I noticed off the bat was why in your picture did you not show your birthplace, nationality, and occupation? That makes me curious and would be cool if you could somehow add in one or two sentences why you did not want to share that information.
I like how you started off with the story of the brown haired girl at the Fishbowl and how you ended up being friends on Facebook with her through a random encounter. At first, I was not sure where you were going with that because I thought “Personal Philosophy of Networking” would be where you actually talk about what you think networking should be like and I did not really see that. Maybe change the section topic to “The Brown-Haired Girl” or “My First Encounter with Serendipity”? Also, I am a bit confused on what serendipity means. I assume it has to do how you just happen to meet people who end up being connected to your friends? Maybe add in a sentence in “Serendipity and the Network Effect” of what serendipity means so you and the reader are on the same page.
In “Hands-on Strategies for Facebook Use”, rephrase #1 where it says (It’s these are my people, not these are my people…). I am confused with what that sentence means. Also state why you decide to update your profile picture every few months. Why do you feel a need to update to your profile picture if your other pictures already represent your goofy and friendly self?
For #4, I agree with this wholeheartedly. I am one of your friends who liked your Facebook status moving to Madison, WI because I am happy for you!! Congrats again .
And lastly, my other comment is to state what soapbox means because I do not understand (Maybe I don’t get the jokes?). Overall, great job! Like stated, those comments I suggested are minor and I look forward to seeing your final draft!
Comment #2: Joey Carron
Base comments:
Yooo hi Evan! So, I want to start by saying that your piece is well-written and designed. It flows well and is broken up into nice digestible chunks. The photos are excellently formatted, and they add a lot of value to your piece.
Your voice shines through and provides an enjoyable perspective on Facebook and what it might means to exist in a hyper connected social world.
Curiosities: (things I find interesting that I wanted to discuss, but don't necessarily suggest you change)
I think that framing your writing with your personal philosophy of networking was bold, and I think it gives an intimate and unique introduction to how you view Facebook and online social platforms. I felt that perhaps there was too much emphasis on this girl's pointy nose, but it doesn't completely detract from what you're saying. It could perhaps be toned down a bit though.
I agree with your assessment of serendipity on some levels, but I also think that you may overestimate the level of luck involved in having so many mutual friends or in the experience of becoming Facebook friends with this girl. Again, these are completely dependent on personal views, so take this with a grain of salt -- I'm just letting you know my thoughts because I think it's an intriguing talking point! I don't find it that surprising that two undergraduates who go to U of M might connect, however briefly, or find out that they have a number of mutual friends. The university, while composed of a large number of students, is a rather closed system where most people live within a few square miles of each other. Under these circumstances I don't think that we should be surprised that we make these seemingly incredible connections with people. That being said, they're still lucky/chance encounters so I don't want to abuse the term serendipity or the way it's being used. My point is that while these encounters and connections may be serendipitous I don't think that we should be surprised by them. Like you said in your intro, six degrees of connections go a long way which means that while things may occur by chance we shouldn't necessarily be blown away by their happening.
Critique of your piece:
Like I said, I think your voice, writing flow, and page design are incredible strengths. Areas that could be improved on might be to expand your ethical analysis. I feel like the meat of your page should be the hands-on strategy section, but it reads more like a buzzfeed article than an exploration of ethical implications. You set up your views on Facebook and networking, but I think you're on the cusp and could take it a step further in your analysis. Why did you choose not to share your birthplace, nationality, or occupation? Are those also private on Facebook? Why?
Aside from toning down the language about the chicks pointy nose, this is the only major area that may need addressing. If you make the hands-on section more personal and describe what you find to be related ethical issues I think you will have a wonderful finished piece. I want to know less about your personal views on how to share content or maneuver within the confines of Facebook and more about what the implications and consequences of those actions are.
Well done sir! Please let me know if you have any more questions or want me to elaborate on anything and I look forward to your final piece!
