Talk:Evan Jon Gennrich
Comment #1:
Comment #2: Joey Carron
Base comments:
Yooo hi Evan! So, I want to start by saying that your piece is well-written and designed. It flows well and is broken up into nice digestible chunks. The photos are excellently formatted, and they add a lot of value to your piece.
Your voice shines through and provides an enjoyable perspective on Facebook and what it might means to exist in a hyper connected social world.
Curiosities: (things I find interesting that I wanted to discuss, but don't necessarily suggest you change)
I think that framing your writing with your personal philosophy of networking was bold, and I think it gives an intimate and unique introduction to how you view Facebook and online social platforms. I felt that perhaps there was too much emphasis on this girl's pointy nose, but it doesn't completely detract from what you're saying. It could perhaps be toned down a bit though.
I agree with your assessment of serendipity on some levels, but I also think that you may overestimate the level of luck involved in having so many mutual friends or in the experience of becoming Facebook friends with this girl. Again, these are completely dependent on personal views, so take this with a grain of salt -- I'm just letting you know my thoughts because I think it's an intriguing talking point! I don't find it that surprising that two undergraduates who go to U of M might connect, however briefly, or find out that they have a number of mutual friends. The university, while composed of a large number of students, is a rather closed system where most people live within a few square miles of each other. Under these circumstances I don't think that we should be surprised that we make these seemingly incredible connections with people. That being said, they're still lucky/chance encounters so I don't want to abuse the term serendipity or the way it's being used. My point is that while these encounters and connections may be serendipitous I don't think that we should be surprised by them. Like you said in your intro, six degrees of connections go a long way which means that while things may occur by chance we shouldn't necessarily be blown away by their happening.
Critique of your piece:
Like I said, I think your voice, writing flow, and page design are incredible strengths. Areas that could be improved on might be to expand your ethical analysis. I feel like the meat of your page should be the hands-on strategy section, but it reads more like a buzzfeed article than an exploration of ethical implications. You set up your views on Facebook and networking, but I think you're on the cusp and could take it a step further in your analysis. Why did you choose not to share your birthplace, nationality, or occupation? Are those also private on Facebook? Why?
Aside from toning down the language about the chicks pointy nose, this is the only major area that may need addressing. If you make the hands-on section more personal and describe what you find to be related ethical issues I think you will have a wonderful finished piece. I want to know less about your personal views on how to share content or maneuver within the confines of Facebook and more about what the implications and consequences of those actions are.
Well done sir! Please let me know if you have any more questions or want me to elaborate on anything and I look forward to your final piece!
