Difference between revisions of "Talk:Elise Whitney"
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| + | Elise, I found your autobiography interesting and unique in the fact that you are fine with providing personal information online, even wishing you could find more about yourself than you did. From reading other statements, and from my own personal experience, people tend to instead wish they could retract some of the information they found. When revising, you might expand on this point, explaining why you prefer to be public on the internet and social media and what factors have contributed to your feeling this way about privacy. You did a great job of introducing a theme—your data's inability to encapsulate your entire true identity—and maintaining it throughout the post. As your revise, I would suggest adding more details about your findings (such as more specific examples), just make sure your theme is not lost or shrouded in the process. To contribute to this theme, you could mention some examples of pieces of your identity that are impossible to represent online or in data points, such your personality. Near the end of your post, you brought up old YouTube videos you were unable to find. This was super interesting and could even be expanded upon— are there other things you should be able to find but cannot? Overall, your post has some really great ideas going, they just need to be expanded on a bit more! | ||
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Dominic Ralph: Elise I thought you did a great job staying on the prompt and not turning it into an autobiography. You managed to highlight where your online data identity did not match your own identity and say that you wished it included more. Possibly let us know exactly what you want it to include. A couple other quick points: | Dominic Ralph: Elise I thought you did a great job staying on the prompt and not turning it into an autobiography. You managed to highlight where your online data identity did not match your own identity and say that you wished it included more. Possibly let us know exactly what you want it to include. A couple other quick points: | ||
1.You say you do not agree with what Luciano Floridi calls your informational privacy. Elaborate on what he calls your informational privacy since the reader may not be familiar with Floridi. | 1.You say you do not agree with what Luciano Floridi calls your informational privacy. Elaborate on what he calls your informational privacy since the reader may not be familiar with Floridi. | ||
2.You write the following sentence: "This does not mean that there is not ample information about me on the internet, though". Try rewording this; it messes with the flow of your paper. | 2.You write the following sentence: "This does not mean that there is not ample information about me on the internet, though". Try rewording this; it messes with the flow of your paper. | ||
3.Try and make pictures align better and possibly put captions underneath. | 3.Try and make pictures align better and possibly put captions underneath. | ||
Revision as of 15:29, 24 February 2020
Elise, I found your autobiography interesting and unique in the fact that you are fine with providing personal information online, even wishing you could find more about yourself than you did. From reading other statements, and from my own personal experience, people tend to instead wish they could retract some of the information they found. When revising, you might expand on this point, explaining why you prefer to be public on the internet and social media and what factors have contributed to your feeling this way about privacy. You did a great job of introducing a theme—your data's inability to encapsulate your entire true identity—and maintaining it throughout the post. As your revise, I would suggest adding more details about your findings (such as more specific examples), just make sure your theme is not lost or shrouded in the process. To contribute to this theme, you could mention some examples of pieces of your identity that are impossible to represent online or in data points, such your personality. Near the end of your post, you brought up old YouTube videos you were unable to find. This was super interesting and could even be expanded upon— are there other things you should be able to find but cannot? Overall, your post has some really great ideas going, they just need to be expanded on a bit more!
Dominic Ralph: Elise I thought you did a great job staying on the prompt and not turning it into an autobiography. You managed to highlight where your online data identity did not match your own identity and say that you wished it included more. Possibly let us know exactly what you want it to include. A couple other quick points: 1.You say you do not agree with what Luciano Floridi calls your informational privacy. Elaborate on what he calls your informational privacy since the reader may not be familiar with Floridi. 2.You write the following sentence: "This does not mean that there is not ample information about me on the internet, though". Try rewording this; it messes with the flow of your paper. 3.Try and make pictures align better and possibly put captions underneath.
