Talk:David Clarke
First Feedback - Hanwenbo Yang
Hi David,
Overall I believe that you definitely spent some time pouring your thoughts into this assignment. Here are the things I enjoyed about your post: 1. The genuineness of your post was easily evident in the topics you discussed. It's not everyday that people disclose the truth behind posting self portraits as well as topless photos. 2. You provided an adequate amount of photos to help readers grasp a better idea of what you're referencing. 3. You used a very nice template for the portrait at the top-right!
Great job! However, here are some things I think you can improve on: 1. After having read your post, it seemed to me that you focused on the theme of Authenticity of your profile. Perhaps you can clearly state this towards the beginning of your article/post to help readers grasp a better understanding before diving into the individual analysis. 2. Most of your discussions were very in-depth, you provided strong evidence. However, you can improve the quality of your discussions by including 'why' into the equation. You talk a lot about how people may view you differently had you not approved certain photos, you can improve your analysis by including the reason why you don't approve photos. Building off this, you can also talk about how your choices of revealing and/or hiding certain elements of your profile has made your profile more or less 'authentic'. You can even talk about your thought process behind making the choices of making the choices that you made. 3. In the embodiment section, your theme somewhat shifts to more of a focus on embodiment; how people may see you as 'gay' based off the primary and secondary elements you have of cheerleading. Once again, this section could be improved by making the connection of how your Facebook identity reveals more feminism when you don't wish for it to. You stated the manner in which you wished for people to perceive you and provided how people did. Take some time and think of more detailed reason as to why people might hold a 'feminism' view towards your facebook identity. Is it JUST because of cheer? Or are there other invoked opinions?
I will post more comments later, but I hope these helps!
Wenbo
