Difference between revisions of "Talk:Conner Applebee"
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====Rohan Patel's Comment==== | ====Rohan Patel's Comment==== | ||
| − | I really liked how you broke down your google searches by what you searched to start off the page. The structure is a bit confusing, however, and I think you would benefit by combining and integrating some sections. As far as I can tell, your paper is broken down into 4 large themes/sections: google search, data broker search, family/friends, conclusion. I think it would be far more simple if you just organized it this way. If you put all your google search stuff in one section, for example, you could throw everything including your IMDB page and social media in there. Everything is just a bit disorganized. I would recommend presenting your google search results, then data broker results, then family results, then talk about what it means and maybe throw your in depth findings there. Also, there are quite a few run on sentences so just be careful about that. From a content perspective, I want more data and more information, and I also want to know what they got wrong because thats an important part of authenticity. You also briefly touch on some news articles about you, but you do not mention them in your google search and I think it would be important to include, especially if there are captioned pictured. | + | I really liked how you broke down your google searches by what you searched to start off the page. The structure is a bit confusing, however, and I think you would benefit by combining and integrating some sections. As far as I can tell, your paper is broken down into 4 large themes/sections: google search, data broker search, family/friends, conclusion. I think it would be far more simple if you just organized it this way. If you put all your google search stuff in one section, for example, you could throw everything including your IMDB page and social media in there. Everything is just a bit disorganized. I would recommend presenting your google search results, then data broker results, then family results, then talk about what it means and maybe throw your in depth findings there. Also, there are quite a few run on sentences so just be careful about that. From a content perspective, I want more data and more information, and I also want to know what they got wrong because thats an important part of authenticity. You also briefly touch on some news articles about you, but you do not mention them in your google search and I think it would be important to include, especially if there are captioned pictured. I would also just like more in general from your thoughts/reflection and conclusion. I don't know if your thoughts and reflection section is even necessary honestly because you reflect a good amount throughout the essay. If you want to keep it, you should remove some of the reflection from the other parts. I also don't know how well you address the idea of authenticity. Much of what you write is about how you feel, and not really focused on the assessment of the authenticity of your data identity. You do a really good job giving all this information, but it is not organized and I often struggled to follow where you were getting it from. Maybe when you talk about it, keep themes together. Talk about all your social media that comes up on google at once, or talk about all your high school stuff on google at once. I would also touch more on the stability of your online identity, maybe talk about how your online presence has evolved over time. Overall I think this is a really solid start, and sorry if it sounded harsh I just see a lot of potential in it. In summary, really just add information on what all the results mean, and the authenticity of who you are online. |
Revision as of 19:09, 19 February 2020
John McCartney's comment:
Hi Conner! I really enjoyed reading your page. I like how you laid out all of the important pieces of information relevant to your findings for the Google searches that you did in an easy to follow way. The bullet points helped with that.
As far as the content goes, you do a good job at summarizing your findings, but I think it's a bit lacking in insights that you may have pulled from this process. I think a big amount of this piece should be focused on the analysis, which is where you could get a lot of content from. It'd be nice to see what your thoughts are about how the online representation of you compares to the offline representation of you, and what that may say about you and your relationship with technology. There are a lot of different questions and prompts that were given by the professor that would be helpful to think about and craft your analysis around. Something you could think about is how the offline/online representations of you relate to privacy, findability, and anonymity. I think the 3 examples that were given from past semesters are pretty helpful as to what to go for in terms of the analysis of your results.
I also think that pictures would be really helpful here too. It could break up the text to make it easier to digest, as well as complement your writing. There are a few grammatical errors that could use some polishing up as well.
All in all, just incorporate more analysis of the results you found. Relate it back to concepts that we've been talking about in class, like privacy for example. Great work!
Rohan Patel's Comment
I really liked how you broke down your google searches by what you searched to start off the page. The structure is a bit confusing, however, and I think you would benefit by combining and integrating some sections. As far as I can tell, your paper is broken down into 4 large themes/sections: google search, data broker search, family/friends, conclusion. I think it would be far more simple if you just organized it this way. If you put all your google search stuff in one section, for example, you could throw everything including your IMDB page and social media in there. Everything is just a bit disorganized. I would recommend presenting your google search results, then data broker results, then family results, then talk about what it means and maybe throw your in depth findings there. Also, there are quite a few run on sentences so just be careful about that. From a content perspective, I want more data and more information, and I also want to know what they got wrong because thats an important part of authenticity. You also briefly touch on some news articles about you, but you do not mention them in your google search and I think it would be important to include, especially if there are captioned pictured. I would also just like more in general from your thoughts/reflection and conclusion. I don't know if your thoughts and reflection section is even necessary honestly because you reflect a good amount throughout the essay. If you want to keep it, you should remove some of the reflection from the other parts. I also don't know how well you address the idea of authenticity. Much of what you write is about how you feel, and not really focused on the assessment of the authenticity of your data identity. You do a really good job giving all this information, but it is not organized and I often struggled to follow where you were getting it from. Maybe when you talk about it, keep themes together. Talk about all your social media that comes up on google at once, or talk about all your high school stuff on google at once. I would also touch more on the stability of your online identity, maybe talk about how your online presence has evolved over time. Overall I think this is a really solid start, and sorry if it sounded harsh I just see a lot of potential in it. In summary, really just add information on what all the results mean, and the authenticity of who you are online.
