Difference between revisions of "Talk:Charlie Peng"

Revision as of 00:19, 20 February 2020

Jinghan Zhang's Comment:

Hello Charlie,

I like the way that you analyze your online identity from multiple perspectives. I think you could incorporate more writings on who you are in the real life. I see that you put a lot of efforts in discovering yourself online. I like your analysis of how you present online as a young adult compared to those people with income and property. Also, I think you can try to divide your writings in sections with titles, so it will be easier to read. Adding pictures would also be helpful to attract your readers. If you find difficulties in uploading pictures, there is a tab, "upload file", on the left side of the screen. That is how you upload pictures as I had a hard time with making my picture showing. I think you could also talk more about how the ethical relationship is formed between you and your data identity.

James Li's Comment:

Hi Charlie,

I really enjoyed reading your data identity statement. I think some parts that you could improve are adding visuals like pictures to help enhance your data identity statement. Also, you should try to format your autobiography better by adding different sections, headers, and a table of contents. I recommend looking at other people's avatars to get an idea, or clicking edit to see how they formatted their sections. These 2 changes will help your data identity statement by making it more visually pleasing, easier on the eyes, and easier to read in general. Right now, it is one block essay, and because it isn't formatted, there is no cohesive narrative to follow either. Your data identity statement seems very stream of consciousness, which could work, but as of now it is just messy and confusing. I would put a high priority on improving formatting first, as the content is actually interesting and revealing. Another change that you could make is to come up with a more cohesive conclusion, as you don't end on any particularly strong statement. A conclusion would help you wrap up what you're saying and help the reader remember your key points. Overall, I enjoyed reading the actual content of your autobiography but I think you should change the formatting.

Hi Charlie!

I think you did a great job detailing your search, and I can tell that you have put a lot of efforts into finding your digital footprints. Furthermore, I appreciate how you point out the temporality of the data by telling much of your findings was not updated. However, as far as I am concerned, this post is more like a record of your search instead of an autobiography. After reading your post twice, I still feel like I did not learn much about you. It seemed to me that you tend to make a lot of claims without further explanations and quickly jump to your next point, and I also failed to find much connections between them and your true identity. In order to make your post more personal, I would encourage you to include more of your personal opinions, and try focusing more on the analysis instead of the evidence. And you could also cover some comparisons between you in the digital world and you in reality. What’s more, you state that your attempt to teach for yourself online only resulted in two accurate and authentic results. I figure it would be helpful for you to address some of the false information about you online and the implications (if any) that come with them. And it would be interesting for you to talk about your relationship with digital technology.

Your writing itself is clear and easy to understand, but the structure and presentation of your post are in need of some improvements. There is a variety of topics being mentioned in your post but it was hard for me to navigate through them as they are all compressed into one long paragraph. Therefore, to improve the readability, I would encourage you to break your content into multiple sections. For example, you have attempted to use both search engines and data-broker services to search for yourself and received different results, so maybe you could address your findings in two different sections. And in the section that is specifically for data-broker results, you could talk about if your findings remain consistent across different services and why is that the case. In addition, some images concerning your findings would not only help make your work more aesthetically pleasing but encourage the readers to keep reading.

Finally, I noticed some repetitions in your post which you might want to cut down on, for example: “…but most of the time is spent consuming others’ data and rarely ever posting content.” and “…and my online presence is connected to consuming content instead of creating or posting it.”

I hope I have provided some constructive suggestions for your next revision. Good luck!

Teresa Yuan