Talk:Caroline Gilhool

I really liked your introduction, although it was a bit repetitive. It gave your paper a clear guiding theme. You might want to condense it (you don’t necessarily need to say all of the adjectives everyone game).

For your online section, I thought it was clever to use the previous adjectives to structure your argument. I would work on having the sections flow a bit better together. Additionally, I think the pictures that you chose helped illustrate your point, but you might want to tie them into your argument by actually referencing them. However, the pictures at the end of the section are too small to see, I had to click them all to see them, which is a bit tedious.

For the offline section, it may help to say something about why these things aren’t on your media accounts. That would provide a good opportunity to bring the readings in to your argument a bit earlier.

Finally, I think your conclusion did a great job of tying it all together. It answered some of the questions I developed while reading your autobiography.

Overall, this was a great draft, I suggest focusing a bit on formatting and flow. – Julie Burke