Difference between revisions of "Talk:Caroline Gilhool"

Latest revision as of 06:16, 5 March 2018

I really liked your introduction, although it was a bit repetitive. It gave your paper a clear guiding theme. You might want to condense it (you don’t necessarily need to say all of the adjectives everyone game).

For your online section, I thought it was clever to use the previous adjectives to structure your argument. I would work on having the sections flow a bit better together. Additionally, I think the pictures that you chose helped illustrate your point, but you might want to tie them into your argument by actually referencing them. However, the pictures at the end of the section are too small to see, I had to click them all to see them, which is a bit tedious.

For the offline section, it may help to say something about why these things aren’t on your media accounts. That would provide a good opportunity to bring the readings in to your argument a bit earlier.

Finally, I think your conclusion did a great job of tying it all together. It answered some of the questions I developed while reading your autobiography.

Overall, this was a great draft, I suggest focusing a bit on formatting and flow. – Julie Burke

Hi Caroline, I appreciated how you decided to break up your wiki entry. Comparing offline and online personas is a unique hook and I think you explored it well. I also like that you concluded with the section “Not the Whole Picture,” it nicely ties together the point I believe you are trying to make. The Floridi quote, “You are your information,” is especially relevant in this context. I’m glad you touched on how vital it is to balance your online and offline lives. One of my only criticisms is that you do not go into this more. Other than that, great job! - Tom Pickren

Corina

Great job, Caroline!

I especially appreciated the comparative research detailed in your introduction and the insightful takes on your role in constructing an online presence.

For revision, your colleagues’ comments above are spot on. Please consider them fully.

Best,

Corina