Talk:Ben Kocsis

Your use of outside sources of information to enhance your analysis is forced rather than naturally flowing. And it detracts from the natural flow of your essay and the nice transitions.

You mention that you wanted to create a fantasy avatar that was your complete opposite. But what does it even mean for someone to be a complete opposite? I think we can agree that black and white are opposites, but how does that translate to humans? Furthermore, you don’t address why your fantasy avatar is the complete opposite of you. Yes the skin color was different, but what about the eyes, nose, ears, or cheek bone structure? Moreover, you wrote that it was extremely easy to construct the opposite of your self-portrait avatar, but why was it so easy? You claimed that the construction of your self-portrait avatar was very difficult, so how much more so should the construction of an avatar that is the ‘opposite’ of your self-portrait avatar be difficult; you are familiar with yourself, you see yourself in the mirror everyday, but you have never seen your opposite.

In regards to the section of the Representation of the Self, I think you make blanket statements such as “There's nothing telling people that they need to be themselves, or that they need to abide by the laws of the society,” without providing evidence for these statements. This entire section of the essay focuses on how people need to be themselves online, but it doesn’t really provide personal or outside evidence for this position.

The issues mentioned in regards to your fantasy avatar and the section Representation of the Self severely detracts from what otherwise is a thorough essay.

--Cameron Bullock