Talk:Aaron Fogle

First Comment - Pavel Borisov

Content

I'm impressed by how forward you are with discussing your facebook profile's portrayal of yourself. You clearly portrayed that you try to shape your facebook profile into a kind of trophy case of successes, and that you restrict who can see which components of your profile. You also mentioned that you strive for a sort of honesty about who you are. These were handled well, but I think you could have gone further on discussing the contrast and clash between a desire for honesty and what can be construed as lying by omission about your history despite your profile giving you built-in tools to do so.

The last paragraph was underdeveloped, however, and coud use some expansion. It was also was the last exception to the consistent flow of your piece, which brings me to the next point.

Writing Quality

Writing Style

The writing doesn't click too well with me for a number reasons, the first being that the writing style was a little long-winded. However, even if the flow as slow, it was mostly smooth and unbroken. Although there are breaks are at the start of the Photo Albums section and at the start of the Social Participation and Influence section, these are handled by titles so it doesn't jar me too much. The spelling and grammar were fine in my opinion.

Formatting

The second issue is that the current use of formatting and media on this page is throwing it off. One example of this is the included image captioned "My profile viewed from a stranger's point of view". It doesn't need to be as large as it is right now, and should be a thumbnail or smaller size instead, ideally included in an identity template. Right now it squashes text into an inconvenient column on any browser window less than 3/4 of my 1680 x 1050 display. The facebook chat screencap is less disruptive and actually fits very nicely into the section it's in. My main problem with it is that its current combination of size and caption does not clearly illustrate what is going on without a clickthrough. This could be remedied by briefly describing what keeping the facebook chat off reflects about you. I know this might be redundant, but it would allow you to keep the current image proportions and neat arrangement without being disruptive.

Summary

Overall, I think you did a good job. The assignment was somewhat unclear so everyone was confused as to exactly what we should be doing.

Second Comment - Audris Teh

Aaron, I really liked how you started your autobiography with a comparison between Facebook and an appendage on your body. I felt like that comparison rings true for so many people on Facebook, whether or not they are willing to admit it. Through your introduction I can easily determine what personality you are trying to achieve through your Facebook profile. I also really liked how you analogized somebody viewing your page to the first impression you get from a cover of a book. These days, when so much of each person is made up of their online personality, how and what their Facebook contains contributes so much to how that person is judged in person. It’s very interesting that you chose to use the photos feature of Facebook to archive your personal life history, even including your first Halloween. There are so many people that I know who do the exact opposite and try to hide pictures from high school that are too old or that they find embarrassing or unflattering. I really respect that you make it a priority for your ethnical values to come through your Facebook profile and for it to give a realistic and honest portrayal of who you are.

Overall your writing is eloquent and very polished with very minor grammatical mistakes. You analyzed your own Facebook online identity openly and honestly and wrote it in such a way that it flows logically. The pictures that you chose worked well and highlighted points in your writing but perhaps you could have used a few more. It was very interesting reading your autobiography because there were some points that I disagree with, such as your views on Facebook messaging, which is one of the main reasons why I personally use Facebook, but there were even more points that I agreed with, and the way you phrased your opinions made me see things in ways that I never did before.