Talk:Ronald Liu

It is evident that you have done a good amount of research for this assignment. However, the overall flow can be improved. I felt that you had a lot of good ideas, but they were scattered here and there.

In the “Fantasy Avatar” section you made a few statements about color but you did not mention the reason behind making such choices. As a reader, I was expecting you to share your thought process behind choosing a colorful avatar to depict your online identity or the reason behind choosing blue as a vibrant color for your skin. You may possibly say that a colorful skin can show a lot of traits, maybe attractiveness or cheerfulness and thus inform the reader about your reasons behind the choices.

On a different note, I loved your idea of choosing a jellyfish for your avatar. You chose a character that is close to your heart and is a reminder of your childhood. However, I could not completely grasp the idea of how your avatar reflected the image of a jellyfish. You could try to explicitly mention how each physical feature represents a specific trait of a jellyfish. You could use some of the following questions and maybe try to think about how each feature has a meaningful representation. How does the avatar resemble a jellyfish? (maybe the color plays a part) Why is it a female? Why does it have short hair versus long hair? Also, you mention that you’ve used colorful pants for the avatar. It may be a good idea to include a picture of the full body so that the reader can see what you are talking about. You could also use it to extend your argument about other choices related to the lower body.

There were some grammatical issues. For instance, there were a few run on sentences and some words were used repeatedly (e.g. "daily", "etc"). Plus, the citation style needs to be changed. Citations should not be placed within the text.

Overall, it was a good read, and I’m confident that you can make necessary editions to revise the article. I hope my suggestions are helpful.

- C Douglas